A Different Kind of Neighborhood Watch on E. 7th Street
A Kensington reader passed on a note left by a nosy neighbor/concerned citizen (which is it, do you think?). It reads: “As I pass through my neighborhood, I find it necessary to remind my neighbors of their responsibility to keep our home values high by not only taking care of the inside of their homes…
A Kensington reader passed on a note left by a nosy neighbor/concerned citizen (which is it, do you think?). It reads: “As I pass through my neighborhood, I find it necessary to remind my neighbors of their responsibility to keep our home values high by not only taking care of the inside of their homes but also of their front areas. I have taken the liberty of grading each home and front areas. This letter is just a reminder and not intended to injure or insult anyone. I am sure we all want to maintain our property at the highest of standards and therby [sic] insuring that our property values remain high. This is a preliminary rating another [sic] will follow at a later date.” Luckily, there are many A’s. Our flummoxed reader writes, “I’m all for working to make our block look as beautiful as it can be, but really this is creepy! Don’t you think? Have you heard from others who have received similar letters?” We haven’t. Have you?
Not to mention one bad outfit of polyester
A whole block can be ruined in just a few minutes with the passing of that guy who throws out the plastic Kohl’s bag with the flyers in it.
I’m personally offended by white vinyl window frames instead of the much more tasteful black and I would greatly appreciate it if those of you with tenants would write into the lease that they may only use white curtains for the front of the house. Also- only 3.5 adults per floor per house, and when outside, I expect you all to dress in color coordinated, designer clothing.
I am also sending around a list of acceptable dog breeds (with pre-chosen colors)I believe appropriate to the neighborhood and a notice of zero tolerance policy for non-purebred feral cats. Feral Abyssinians can add so much to the look of a block.
I have mixed several shades of green paint and will make cans available to all. Please touch up the brown edges of the leaves on your trees to keep them looking fresh. I paid big bucks for this property and I expect all of you to knuckle down and help me keep my investment up.
Dear Neighbors,
As some of you may know (I haven’t actually talked to any of you, but you know how you people are with your gossip) I am selling my house after 3 years in kensington, hopefully for a massive profit. I would appreciate it if you could please not only clean up after yourselves, but perhaps (in the next week or two) paint your houses to match the palette of the houses in the prospect park historical district?
Also, I noticed a few more things that may affect my ability to profit off the neighborhood:
some of your hubcaps are missing; this is unseemly and won’t be tolerated
It seems some of you have the circular florescent lights in your apartments/houses. Please replace them with compact florescent bulbs with 1920’s style fixtures
don’t be so lax with your child’s hygiene, especially on sundays. I have seen more than one child with a runny nose lately
statues of the virgin mary really have no place in a front yard
lastly, some of you look a little tired. Perhaps a facial/massage is in order.
A neighborhood without a tapas/wine bar may be fine for some people, but not for me, so I appreciate your assistance with these matters.
teehee, I think the letter sender is unintentially hilarious. I imagine a few nutjobs on my block doing the same exact thig…except they’d call the DOS to hand out tickets too.
I see in a blanket party in the nosy neighbor’s future.
You’re probably right, Dave.
lechacal, good thinking.
There is obviously an ulterior motive here, what a sinister letter to receive if you live on that block.
I agree with ENY…”this would start a divisive campaign to figure out who was behind the note and even more animosity and personal grudge-holding than is normally present”
But I bet all those people on that block know exactly who sent it!!!!