Self-confessed gentrifier: how to begin feeling at home in my own neighborhood?
rach_brklyn – I think NY is a tough place to live right now. I was speaking to my brother today about how angry everyone seems. My brother’s viewpoint is that the City is epic because it is so “elastic” and it’s accommodating everyone. The dog poop problem is a problem because people are behaving selfishly. There used to be (and still are in a few places) black and white signs that say curb your dog. It was meant to instruct dog owners to pull your pup into the gutter when that time comes for it to (literally) lay waste. I do it and it spares me a ton of comments from people who always seem like they are winding up for a pitch.
As for that dusty hole where you do let your dog go, think about adopting it. Introduce yourself to the homeowner who has it in front of their home and tell him/her that you wanted to beautify it and if you are green lit, all you need are a few bags of soil and some seasonal plants and perennials and call the Parks Dept. and see if they are still handing out tree gates and try to get one installed (but not one that will jack up anyone’s car door). Put in some hardy plants or fall pumpkins and hit the dollar store and buy a 13 gallon waste basket. Drill a few holes in the bottom and once a week fill the container with water and let it sit in the pit and drain slowly to water plants. Don’t suggest getting a tree because that is probably why it is a dusty pit.
The all night parties have probably been around awhile so you can decide to engage it (but it’s a heavy lift) or you can ignore it if the frequency of the raves are low. The good thing is before you know it cold weather will set in and they will move it indoors. But go to your local precinct and see if they wouldn’t mind coming through when things get ear bleed loud. We have had a 3 generation brownstone right behind us that used to throw parties every weekend (and they never missed a weekend). Couldn’t do anything about it but you would see the older generations move back South for warmer weather or pass away and the younger ones not having packs of children. I just heard at the family that owns a restaurant just purchased it.
As for the NY Times piece I think it shows the beautiful diversity of the City. The way cultures cleave together and how each block, each hood can be vastly different but totally embracing. Traditions stay alive or change and that new comers (for all their talk) don’t get involved in the block party mindset which is to their detriment. I hope your block throws one and you have a chance to meet some folks. Just work on your space and building your life. Don’t fret over restaurants and stores. I can’t tell you how many times I drive to Fairway or Citarella just cuz it”s NYC and I can. Be well.
BKALLDAY
in General Discussion 5 years and 11 months ago
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yudashasom | 6 years ago
> @rach_brklyn
> this is just something I have to deal with to reap the benefits of a house that appreciates so rapidly
Holy cow.
You sound like everything that’s wrong, or what old-timers don’t like with changes in these neighborhoods.
stevecym | 6 years ago
no-permitz:
rach was only repeating something i said. both she and i have the experience of moving into a neighborhood that is “closed”. she, like i, moved in trying to connect with the locals. after being in my neighborhood, i have realized these folks do not talk to one another at all, let along new comers. there is no sense of community. when people like us come from places like sunnyside, we move into the new places not realizing that things can be very different. what i told rach was that when your house appreciates in value, you will not be so bothered by the other stuff (if not for anything else but that equity in a home may be your ticket out). I do not believe it was her intent to move into a neighborhood for any reason other than to be part of the community. now she has to find another reason to be there and i gave it to her, an investment; its the same here and me and my wife are talking more about Brooklyn ourselves especially since i expounded so much on this topic the other day and got some feedback from Bob Marvin and others; we want to exp erience restaurants, bookstores, cafes, music, and the diversity and the other things that we moved to the city to enjoy; i would trade that for the appreciation in the value of my house any day.
yudashasom | 6 years ago
@steve, it’s her overall tone.
I just picked one thing out that you might have said, that she repeated and concurs with. I could point to a dozen things she said… all of which show that she is not only a “self confessed gentrifier” but just someone I could see the neighbors liking (white, black, purple, or green).
mattieweiser1
in General Discussion 6 years ago
@no-permitz, I apologize for my unintended ‘overall tone’. It is often the issue of online forums and blogs – you do not know me personally so you seem to be judging me based on my writing on a forum which is merely a small blip in my life/experiences. Same goes for everyone on here and other forums across interests/disciplines. Admittedly I’m also terrible at expressing myself in a just a few quick sentences.
I experience racial/sexual discrimination on a daily basis – regardless of the neighborhood or social situation – which makes me more aware than many people about my surroundings so I take note of it. My profession is also dominated by males so that’s something I battle in the workplace. Most of my friends including my husband are causcasian, and never feel the need to raise issues of race or sex because it rarely enters their mind. When I bring my observations up in a conversation, I draw attention to something that make some people uncomfortable. For me, it’s just a part of daily life.
One of my friends is half African-American man with an intimidating phys ique. One dinner he talked about the times he walks at night and notices that single females tend to be afraid of him, that they try to avoid walking close to him. I tell him he’s forunate that he never has to worry about being a petite woman, an easy target at night. He says he’d rather not be judged. In general it is important that we understand each other’s point of views so we understand how our behavior impacts others. As long as these conversations are productive, I believe they’re fair to have.
I did realize that the topic might be inappropriate which I admitted at the end of my first comment “If this post does not belong on the Brownstoner Forum I will understand completely”. I appreciate that the administrators kept this up long enough to harvest the thoughtful insights of some folks with awareness and understanding. It’s unforunate that my post was taken out of context as I’d like to thing this is an open forum free of judgement. Thanks again to all who commented – whether or not you understand, I appreciate the time you took to read the thread.
stevecym | 6 years ago
Rach, I think this was really good that you came on here and i think it is potentially helpful to a lot of people. you and i have had very similar experiences in our respective neighborhoods but what is unique about my situation is that i look just like my neighbors (not anymore, after the last presidential election i grew a beard to set myself apart) and i have still felt the same indifference. but its not hate; they talk to us when we or they need something and haters don’t mix with the other at all and the other day one of them did something really good for me without being asked and another time one saw my car getting ticketed and went out and argued with the traffic agent on my behalf; they do know how to come together when it is needed. my wife and i were very perplexed by it and so are others; a few months back a woman walked by here with a baby in a stroller and another walking alongside and immediately told the one walking, “say hello to the man” and i said hello to them all and turned to her and promptly said “you are not from here” and i was correct and we immediately got into a 30 minute conversation about how odd it all is; i felt very bad for her that she perhaps has these two kids and might be alone during the day in this community and not able to connect; it can be lonely.
The good news about all this is, particularly with us over here, we cannot pin it to anything but what it is because we look like them and that shows that it can be the same for you over there; just the way they are. so these stories we have hashed out can always lend doubt to any newcomer who thinks this may be happening for more sinister reasons.
i enjoyed all this and thank you for bringing it here.
Steve
daveinbedstuy | 6 years ago
When I bought my house on Stuyvesant Ave, I seemed to have an almost immediate acceptance by everyone on my block. For what it’s worth, I was the only white guy. Maybe taking down the 8′ unsightly security fence in the front had soemthing to do with it. Even more may have been getting up with the neighbors, mostly older retired men, to shovel the sidewalks od snow in the morning. But, as many old time Brownstoners know, I’m a very likable guy!!!!
slopefarm | 6 years ago
LOL, you’re likeable enough, Dave!
Seriously, pitching in and doing neighborly stuff like sweeping and shoveling goes a long way.
stevecym | 6 years ago
slopefarm: not in trumpville it doesn’t.
daveinbedstuy | 6 years ago
stevecym: Try to refrain from posting your pathetic, virtue signalling politics here.
stevecym | 6 years ago
Dibs: I hate to get into this with you here as others have done and have tended to stay out of these things in general, but did i hit a raw nerve? i have no better way to describe the mindset here without using adjectives which really may not be true. i will go even further, “trumpville” is a word i picked up from one of my customers, an african american at that, who does business over here. its the most polite descriptor i can use and it would probably please my neighbors to know i used it.
you are correct, i should keep politics off here.
daveinbedstuy | 6 years ago
Q.E.D. stevcym
stevecym | 6 years ago
slopefarm: now something to back up what you said: when we were in sunnyside, my wife had gotten to know two very elderly neighbors. my wife asked me to shovel their walks and being 20 something years younger than i am now, i did and enjoyed it. it was not long before these two old ladies were bringing me bottles of wine (better wine that i ever bought) and began asking me to do a litany of things for them and they paid me on top of the wine. here is how it ended: when our landlord went to raise our rent to 1200, one of the ladies asked us to move into her vacate apartment at 700 a month. i continued to shovel as matter of course but the two of them kept paying me to do work (new front door, paint this, put rubber safety treads on the stairs). it all ended when we bought this house at which time our landlord gave us our last months rent free!
Of course what happen there was exceptional. i did not ask for it nor want it and i would have continued doing the walks for free. of course, it all lent to our unhappiness when we moved over here. I hope the OP can find people who really appreciate these things and will work together on things.
stevecym | 6 years ago
DIBS, I had to look that one up.
i am just trying to be nice.
greenworks | 6 years ago
Just saying that over the past several years, politics and harsh words directed at people on whatever part of the political spectrum have forcibly inserted themselves into so many areas of life, that coming here to Brownstoner forum has been a much needed respite, where most of the invectives are reserved for disputes over wet basements and contractors and such.
So much of our lives have been taken over by this, and justifiably so, but I’d humbly ask that we keep the focus here on hurling insults over wood vs aluminum clad windows.
BKALLDAY | 6 years ago
Start by not calling yourself a “gentrifier”. Even though many old neighborhoods are changing, the word gentry is normally thought to apply to landed gentry who were overwhelmingly white. Also while many folks welcome things like the Bodega on the corner suddenly selling organic, they don’t welcome the jacked up prices, seeing their parking spaces eaten up by 20 yard dumpsters and the fact that now that you have arrived when you call the cops actually come. Think of this as a slow boil romance. Join the block association but keep your wonderful ideas to yourself and don’t try to Bogart with suggestions on how to make things better. If your block hosts a block party or halloween event, pitch in. If your block does back to school backpacks for the kids then offer to supply 5 fully loaded book bags with notebooks, pens, loose leaf, pencil case, etc. Eat from the local greasy spoon joint or hole in the wall Chinese restaurant and don’t pray for a farm to table to take over the old liquor store. Get to know the hobo’s and give them a few dollars to sweep your sidewalk and the house on each side. Work on fixing up your home and then if you have some like minded neighbors see if you can hose a once a Saturday block clean up where everyone comes out to sweep their fronts and the gutters. Set up a stoop sit where you can meet your neighbors and just chat. Ease yourself into acceptance and don’t force it. But continue to say Good morning and hello. You will do fine. Good luck
stevecym | 6 years ago
booisgolden, i did explain this to dibs, i used that term not to be political but to explain a mindset. i could think of no other way to do it and did not want to accuse my neighbors of being anything they might not be, but i know some things by some of the bumper stickers on the cars around here at election time, so i termed it the way i did. i agree that politics should not be on this board but there is a fuzzy line where it crosses over to social issues (diversity) and those affect quality of life.
with my reluctance to say certain things about my neighbors, with no evidence, i thought a little more about this:
two weeks after we moved in here, one of the neighbors said “when you go to sell here you go back to the realtor you bought the house from or the one on the corner…. those realtors won’t dare bring ‘anyone else’ in here”. later when i realized i did not belong here and told my immediate neighbor i wanted to leave he said “i bet you will sell to……” (i told him the house will go to the person who can give us the most money, whomever that may be).
wh at i just recounted was something i was trying to imply. thankfully that is all we’ve heard but unfortunately if we were socializing with “these” people and drinking with them, we would probably hear more of it. i am from Long Island and heard a lot of it growing up. my wife is not from here (this country) and if she heard something like this or heard someone use that word that my neighbor said to me, she would say something. this is very possible why newcomers are not welcome in this neighborhood, even though we look alike.
even though this topic has been a sensitive one, the comments here will hopefully help somebody including the OP. if i had read them before i bought here, i would have thought twice.
greenworks | 6 years ago
Hi Steve, thanks for your response but I wasn’t just talking about this thread – for one example somehow a thread about a fence took a very unexpected turn into broad statements about the political leanings of people who watch a certain tv network.
Having read this forum for many years, only recently contributing, I have had great respect for your years of contributions and will continue to do so,.
My point was that somehow many topics here have had politics and broad judgements shoehorned into subject matters that are unrelated to the matters at hand.
Anyway, I tried to gently make my point, said my piece, and from now on will get back to the subjects at hand., including this very important one by OP.
greenworks | 6 years ago
Rach, I’m sorry for momentarily hijacking your thread, back to your very worthy question.
We moved into a neighborhood about five years ago now that is just beginning to have different types of newcomers arrive. We were very concerned about our impact on the neighborhood and how we would be received.
I can’t stress enough the wisdom mentioned here several times, but put very well by bkallday – “slow boil romance” just take it slow and show up, mouth shut and ears open. Granted we spent some time in the neighborhood you are currently in while we were looking in 2012-2014 and found it generally not as friendly as our neighborhood (for whatever reason, we didn’t sense a lot of friendliness in general to whomever – not ascribing this to race or any other attribute).
So keep saying hi to everyone and anyone, going to community meetings and listening, and shoveling those driveways.
stevecym | 6 years ago
Boo, i will use something i learned from DIBS: QED.