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  1. “I went to a gifted writers program in 4th and 5th grade, voted on by my class.”

    In 4th grade I got in a lot of trouble and never did my homework. In 5th grade I got in a lot of trouble, never did my homework, got caught sniffing rubber cement, and got in a lot of fistfights.

  2. “what about those ridiculous parents who purposefully hold a kid back a grade to give them an edge over other kids? so dumb. all the girls who got left back in my schools were always, without fail, the biggest Ho bags by the time 7th grade rolled around.”

    man, i wish we had someone of those girls in the burbs when i was growing up.

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