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  1. A Microsoft engineer died and met St. Peter at the Pearly gates. St. Peter says ok- I can give you a choice of Heaven or Hell- which do you want. The Microsoft guy says, well, can I look first. Sure, St. Peter says and takes him to see Haven where all the angels are sitting on fluffy clouds, playing harps and doing angelly floaty things. The engineer goes, gee- looks dull. So St. Peter takes him to Hell. There’s a beach, beautiful women in thongs, a tiki bar. The sun is shining, people are playing in the surf. The engineer says, O Boy- this is it.

    You’re sure? St. Peter asks.

    You Betcha! says the engineer. No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a fiery chasm opens and St. Peter pushes him into the depths of Hell

    Wait! Wait! Where’s the beach and the girls? the engineer yells.

    Oh, says St. Peter- that was the screensaver.

  2. WARNING

    “POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE, NOT MEANT THAT WAY”

    “Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim?”

    “Nah, really”?

    “Yeah, he changed his name to Kareem of Wheat”

    AAAAAAAHHHHH…….

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