Self-confessed gentrifier: how to begin feeling at home in my own neighborhood?
Last year I moved to a more eastern area of Crown Heights. Since then I have strived to help improve my house and neighborhood by cleaning up the property and surrounding yards, making it a safe and presentable home, helping to clean the persistent influx of trash on the street, etc. However there are moments when I get the sense that some natives to the area believe I deserve less respect because I am new to the neighborhood, indicated by some uncomfortable conversations and confrontations. Besides being friendly, smiling and saying ‘hello’, can anyone offer advice for a self-confessed gentrifier? If this post does not belong on the Brownstoner Forum I will understand completely. TIA
mattieweiser1
in General Discussion 6 years ago
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mattieweiser1
in General Discussion 6 years ago
Hi All, many thanks for your insights! Since moving here I have come to know my immediate neighbors fairly well – we chat a bit but I’m not quite hanging out with them on the stoop just yet. They seem to appreciate that I am taking care of the property and relieved that they no longer deal with random airbnb guests as neighbors.
My issue is with the extended neighbors – I take long walks during which I will make eye contact and say ‘hello’. Whether I say ‘hello’ or not, many people will stare at me as I walk by. If I make eye contact and say ‘hello’ most of the time my greeting is not reciprocated – either I’ll get a long stare with no response with a hint of confusion, or the person will quickly look away.
Not sure if it matters what I wear; I’ll stick out regardless. I am an Asian American woman, often walking with a dog – look young for my age so maybe people think I am renting (not sure if that matters). Many people in the area are not dog lovers, so that doesn’t help either. @cate, maybe my area is gentrified enough that most people stopped saying hello to each o ther. Good point about the over 50 crowd, I will be more aware and be sure to keep greeting them warmly.
@stevecym, thank you especially for your thoughtful response. It is unfortunate… I do believe my neighbors are good people as well. After 13 years of living all over NYC I become so comfortable in our culturally diverse bubble, it took moving farther east to remember these tensions exist closer to home.
stevecym | 6 years ago
seeing your comments over the years and what you are saying now, which I know to be true, I have to say you are a good ambassador for Brooklyn, bob.
RobertGMarvin
in General Discussion 6 years ago
I know what you mean Steve. Moving from FH Queens to Brooklyn was one of the best things I ever did.
stevecym | 6 years ago
bob, I don’t want to name where I am but any of you can look it up; I am not too far from F Hills. I am embarrassed to live around such people as I do and having come from Sunnyside where everyone knew one another and having moved to where i am now, I was depressed for a full year after arriving here. I fully felt as though I had made the single biggest mistake of my life. when I tell my Brooklyn customers about what it is like to live over here, I say “not only do they hate each other but they hate themselves”.
RobertGMarvin
in General Discussion 6 years ago
Steve,
Having spent the first 25 years of my life in Forest Hills Queens (just a couple of miles from that certain politician you mentioned ) I’m convinced that white people in that borough are a lot less receptive to outsiders, or even their neighbors, than people of any race herein Brooklyn.
slopefarm | 6 years ago
I would go further than Bob. At a good moment, introduce yourself to your nearest neighbors, particularly if you are seeing them around regularly. Over time, ask questions — is there a block association, does the block usually have a block party or cleanup day, etc. and then participate in those things.
And, yes, shovel the sidewalk for elderly neighbors, be outside a lot keeping things neat, etc.
stevecym | 6 years ago
I often write on here and then either think about a million things as to what I said that was wrong or what might make my situation different from the situation of others. I know some of what I said is correct as an African American woman said just those things to me as i quoted them (she would be delighted to know that I was listening and am quoting her).
i have to point out that one reason i may have an easier time in certain areas is because when i am working, i look pretty messy; i don’t look like a gentrifier. so my suggestion is, on your time off, dress in old jeans, don’t wear the trendiest sneakers, and wear an old t-shirt. even when gentrifiers are not dressed for the office, they stick out like, well, gentifiers.
and all this brings me to something else. the mindset of new comers to anyplace may be so different that even if you try to “do good” by cleaning up a neighboring property, it may not be welcome because you are an outsider. i can think of two places where this is true in my life: my family is from the North Fork of Long Island (i am not from there but have been going out there since the mid 1960’s; it makes it easy for me to see both “sides”) and there are a lot of city people going out there now and bringing all sorts of great ideas. unfortunately, the people in an area like that don’t like the changes, they don’t care about the money that is coming with the new comers (unless of course they found a way to list that extra room on air bnb but most of them still do not know what air bnb is and i am not kidding), they hate the traffic on the roads, and as miserable as they might have been, they were happy with their lives the way they were. because i am not from there but have scores of second cousins there, i get to sit down and listen to all the complaints about the changes as we drink a lot of cheap American beer.
i also face this situation in the very white neighborhood where i live. they do not want outsiders here. they don’t say hello to anyone on the street unless they know them and this brings about something else; ever since i left for college in another state, i have been the “new comer” to someplace be it in North Carolina or here in Queens. new comers reach to other people and say hello on the street; they have to if they want to meet people. the people living there may not unless they know the other person. i was with a customer the other day in front of his house and i saw a woman coming down the road and told him “she came by yesterday and gave me a big ‘hello” and the customer said “she’s new to the area and wants to make friends”. and i knew what he meant and if she had lived there for all her life, she might not have felt the need to reach out.
Outsiders always bring something different and if people are happy with things the way they are, they may not be welcoming and there may be nothing you can do about it. Here in Queens, my wife and i were the first new comers to move in on our street and with the exception of a few curious people, most of them kept to themselves. Once i got to know the “ilk” of these people, i was happy that they kept to themselves (they proudly and openly support a certain small-minded politician who also happens to be from Queens). the change for us came when three other couples arrived, all with greater aspirations than the locals and each with another level of education; they are open. if you do not immediately find some people who will talk to you where you are, in time other new comers will move in and you will find each other.
it is sad that it is this way, especially in Brooklyn, because the long-time residents you are living near, unlike these lilly white people where i live, may actually be very nice people and you may have a lot more in common with them than you or they think.
cate | 6 years ago
This all sounds like good advice. When we moved to Bed Stuy 10 years ago people who had lived here for decades were so friendly and welcoming. Now that the composition of the neighborhood is more mixed, sadly I’ve noticed people are a little less prone to say hello. I make a point of saying good morning or hello how ya doing to pretty much everybody and especially the folks over 50. In addition to helping folks with trash, leaves and tidying sometimes it’s nice to shovel a bit on the sidewalks adjoining yours and help out a little there. If there’s a community garden you can offer to weed (without requesting a space).
stevecym | 6 years ago
see what bob says. I have African American customers in these areas and they tell me that a “simple hello” would be a good start for the new comers. these customers have complained to me that the new comers “walk by as if we don’t exist”. there is more to this and i know it from having lived in the south where people often say hello to strangers; many of the African Americans in Brooklyn have southern roots, specifically North Carolina and they were brought up to say hello to people they have never met before. I realize bob says “i wouldn’t push it much beyond that” but when i go to work on streets like Lincoln Place and Herkimer, i can end up knowing the neighbors very well within days of being there – to the point that when i have to take a break, i will ask them to watch my tools (and for that favor i always return with a cold bottle of water or tea for them). also, being from long island myself and having grown up in a typical suburban family, this level of comfort is not something i was raised with; i learned it myself over a period of years – a little bit from living in the south but also by simply talking to people on the streets of Brooklyn.
start with the older people as they will have more time for you.
RobertGMarvin
in General Discussion 6 years ago
IMO “being friendly, smiling and saying ‘hello’” will go a LONG way. I wouldn’t push it much beyond that. Start with your immediate neighbors.