Hello. I have been living in my condo for 5 weeks. Immediately upon moving in, I realized that the child in the apartment above mine runs the length of the apartment–whose layout is the same as mine– anywhere from a few minutes to as many as 45 minutes at a time. About two weeks ago after having to listen to that for 45 minutes, I went upstairs, introduced myself and politely stated that running for 45 minutes non-stop was jarring and that I couldn’t even hear my TV. The father asked me what he wanted me to do. I told him that the solution was up to him and his wife. I remained polite but clear about the noise being unnerving. He insists on my giving him a solution. I noted that in cases like this carpeting seemed like the solution. He said, “I won’t install carpeting. Anyway, I don’t think it will matter.” I told him not be so negative after pushing for a solution. He wanted us to agree on a schedule. I said, “It’s obvious I’m not home all week from 8 am to 8 pm. However when I come home, I’d like to be able to relax and hear my TV or just read.” He said, “That seems reasonable.” For the most part, there hasn’t been running after 8 pm during the week. The thing is, the weekends are unbearable with that child. I came home on Sunday night around 5 pm and by 6 pm I had to put in earplugs. Ditto for tonight. What would be my next step? He has said NO to carpeting. Am I being unreasonable? Should I stay quite about that noise? Should I just go to the condo association? Try with him again? I’d like to get along with my neighbors but it has to be a two-way street. The only thing, I am obviously the one in the weaker position. Thank you!


Comments

  1. I also meant to add that I believe there are laws dictating that apts must be 80% carpeted. I know our coop had the same issue and the apt with the children put carpeting down. It helped somewhat.

    The guys upstairs should meet you half way.

  2. Just some food for thought.

    His behavior sounds like my friend’s 5 year old. Its because he is autistic. On the outside he looks like a normal 5 year old. But he is aggressive, he is non stop energy, and tantrums take a long time to control. Its something they grow out of but it could take few more years.

    My friend is short and as her son becomes older an older he is getting mor difficult to handle. He is a sweet boy but his autism leaves him unable to control himself.

    I understand that it is somewhat controllable but it does take a alont time to settle down.

    So maybe that’s the issue?

  3. Any parents of a young child in the city already have enough conflict and face enough judgment, and honestly, you are adding to that pressure by framing this problem in your mind as being about their parenting skills. People are very sensitive to being judged, and will become resistant to anything you say if you are judging. This distorts the situation.

    I would start being friendly with them for awhile. This alone might change their behavior. If not, when you feel like you know them and they aren’t your enemy anymore, bring up the topic again in a different way–perhaps apologizing first for being confrontational last time, then stating that you understand that the boy needs to run and that you want him to be able to, and then suggesting those foam tiles (which can be picked up and put down easily) or carpet.

    I would frame this by stating that you are bringing it up because you want the boy to run around whenever he wants to, because you like the boy and understand that small children need to run.

  4. Hi. Thanks to all for the quick responses.

    I don’t expect to hear nothing at all. The issue is the running and jumping can be non-stop. The parents have a hard time setting boundaries with the child. I’ve seen them twice unable to control their child’s tantrum on the street. They just let him run free.

    Yes, I feel weaker as the non-parent although I hope to become a parent in the next few years.

    For post number one, it’s not a new building!

    Thank you all again.

  5. It’s funny how parents can be completely oblivious to their kids either being obnoxious or just being kids, restaurants, cinemas, apts, etc etc. First off, I don’t blame the child and you shouldn’t expect to hear nothing with a child living upstairs. However, you are entitled to “quiet enjoyment” of your apt. What the father can do is cover 80% of his floors with carpeting as required in NYC apts, if he has a problem with that – bring it up with the condo board.

  6. If you can’t get the upstairs neighbor to make his floor quieter, consider doing some work on your ceiling. Cork ceiling tiles would probably help, a dropped ceiling with a layer of insulation between your apartment and theirs would be even better

  7. As a parent who raised 2 kids (now teenagers) on the top two floors of a Brownstone, I believe that it is possible to teach your kids to behave in a manner that won;t make life hellish for a downstairs neighbor. It helps if the downstairs neighbor is understanding while the teaching process is ongoing.

  8. “Dunno, seems like he tried to make some reasonable accommodation. He got the kid to be quiet during the week”

    yeah, it’s called 8pm BEDTIME

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