Running Child Upstairs
Hello. I have been living in my condo for 5 weeks. Immediately upon moving in, I realized that the child in the apartment above mine runs the length of the apartment–whose layout is the same as mine– anywhere from a few minutes to as many as 45 minutes at a time. About two weeks ago…
Hello. I have been living in my condo for 5 weeks. Immediately upon moving in, I realized that the child in the apartment above mine runs the length of the apartment–whose layout is the same as mine– anywhere from a few minutes to as many as 45 minutes at a time. About two weeks ago after having to listen to that for 45 minutes, I went upstairs, introduced myself and politely stated that running for 45 minutes non-stop was jarring and that I couldn’t even hear my TV. The father asked me what he wanted me to do. I told him that the solution was up to him and his wife. I remained polite but clear about the noise being unnerving. He insists on my giving him a solution. I noted that in cases like this carpeting seemed like the solution. He said, “I won’t install carpeting. Anyway, I don’t think it will matter.†I told him not be so negative after pushing for a solution. He wanted us to agree on a schedule. I said, “It’s obvious I’m not home all week from 8 am to 8 pm. However when I come home, I’d like to be able to relax and hear my TV or just read.†He said, “That seems reasonable.†For the most part, there hasn’t been running after 8 pm during the week. The thing is, the weekends are unbearable with that child. I came home on Sunday night around 5 pm and by 6 pm I had to put in earplugs. Ditto for tonight. What would be my next step? He has said NO to carpeting. Am I being unreasonable? Should I stay quite about that noise? Should I just go to the condo association? Try with him again? I’d like to get along with my neighbors but it has to be a two-way street. The only thing, I am obviously the one in the weaker position. Thank you!
I feel your frustration. I am writing this after being awoken by the 4 year old running upstairs (notice the time of post – 2:30 am) and have sought the counsel of many people on this topic — friends with kids (my husband and i don’t yet have children), sound technicians, people who were raised in brownstones. Overall, the consensus is generally that while kids need to run / play, there is a need to teach the child that they live in an apartment and that their behavior affects the quality of the life of the other people in the apartment.
Unfortunately, a small fraction of people who i spoke to – including the people who live about us and some who responded in this forum – truly believe that there’s no way to stop kids from running. I have heard from and witnessed the parenting of enough people to know that kids can and do, in fact, learn how to behave when given proper boundaries.
I wish I had something more helpful, but from what I’ve gleaned on this subject, soundproofing is incredibly expensive and much more effective on the floor above (rather than the drop ceiling) and I think it’s doubtful that neighbors who aren’t considerate enough to put down carpets are going to go for anything re-constructive. and even with the carpeting (our neighbors have some area rugs, but bare floors in other places) the truth is that it makes marginal difference for loud impact noise.
You have the right to keep articulating your concerns — It sounds like you’ve done so with respect and understanding. If they continue to be unresponsive, I would take it to the condo board. As someone who has also confronted my neighbors with this issue, I really understand your wanting to keep the good will. I hope your situation improves. After multiple attempts to improve this situation, I am just trying to hang in and remind myself this won’t be forever. Eventually the kid will outgrow the running, they’ll move, or we’ll move…
Until then….
Vesna- I had this exact issue with an upstairs neighbor a few years ago and ended up moving. Your neighbors reaction was near identical and we tried many of the tactics here, even offering to buy the carpet. For us, it was two young kids that would chase each other all over the apartment until we’d hear a large crash, crying, and then it would stop for about 1/2 hour. It frequently started at 7a on Sat/Sun. We had a chandelier over our bed that I had to remove the glass globes because the would rattle like a train was going by. The neighbor simply didn’t care. I knocked on the door one Sunday at 8a after an hour of chaos and he said he was just trying to enjoy some fun time with his kids and I was bothering him by knocking on the door. It never occurred to him that I too deserved to “enjoy” my time in my apartment. That’s when I knew it was a lost cause.
So, we moved after 6 months. I hate to be so negative, but people either care or they don’t. Sounds like you have a don’t. Btw, I have two kids, so it’s not like I don’t get it.
Thanks to all who replied with their comments. It is just tough for all New Yorkers living in such tight spaces. NPR reports one million more people are expected in NYC over the next 10 years! Thank you again.
Where has common sense gone… it’s not too common anymore I guess…
I raised a child in an apartment over another family, and
running and jumping was not an acceptable form of entertainment indoors…
It’s a parents responsibility to set some limits and to gear their children into quiet activities when they’re inside… allowing kids to run amok in an apartment is just a sign of lazy parenting… how will the kids learn consideration of the rights of others if the parents don’t
take the time to explain why it’s not a good idea to run indoors, it “disturbs our neighbors” “you can get hurt” “indoors we have quiet fun, outdoors we can run and jump”… give it a try folks, it really works!
Arghhhhhhhhhh…
and yes, panda, google “quiet enjoyment”. it’s not a fantasy, it’s the law.
this whole comment thread seems to reiterate the kids vs non kids issue, which i don’t think should be the argument.
people have a legal right to “quiet enjoyment” in their homes. bloomberg has even made noise regulations to address this. i understand that children make noise, but that doesn’t address the fact that the people who live in the apartments surrounding the child have a legal right to peace and quiet. (and i’ve often found that the people making the noise have a “learn to live in a city/apartment” mentality that everyone should have to deal with xx amounts of noise. but to what degree?
nearly all apartments have to adhere to the xx% rule, and i’d start by finding that info out and then approaching the parents again. if not, then go to the condo board and DO NOT BACK DOWN.
as for drop ceilings, i’ve lived with them and can tell you that they barely work and are hideous. more so, i don’t think a person who owns an apartment should have to alter that apartment because neighbors refuse to follow the laws or even be reasonable.
you have rights. use them.
Kids will run yes, but people are totally normal to be annoyed by hearing it in their own home. Their home they paid a lot of money for. Both sides need to compromise. Carpet and no shoes upstairs and earplugs below. I think the building is the real villain here. Is this a new condo development or a browndo, in an older building? It’s absurd you can’t get more soundproofing between floors and ceilings in the new condo buildings for what you pay for them. If I were I condo developer I’d build soundproofed units and market them specifically as such. They’d be a huge success with how many people in Brooklyn suffer from chronic neighbor noise.
A right to peace and quiet? Wow….the entitlement of some people are ridiculous. Try to enforce that right- with the condo board or with the police or anyone else. I know people who have been living with noise for years…louder than a child running…and more obnoxious…and they can’t do anything about it. Creative solutions do not always work and it always comes down to whether someone wants to move or not.
I think if you realize that at the end of the day- no matter what you do- there is no way the upstairs people can be forced to move because of issue, then your approach to the problem will be based on mutual respect and give and take. Laws requiring 80% of the floor to be covered? Really…some of the comments on here are beyond crazy.
Cannot believe some of these “kids will be kids responses” — you can bet your ass that if the upstairs neighbor had to deal with loud music, rumbling movie bass, or other “single person” noises consistently for 45 min intervals at times that were not in line with the “children’s schedule” there would be hell to pay…
“But they are children and you are an adult who can make a conscious choice…” I don’t buy it — children can learn rules of behaviour, just like the average single tenant knows not to crank music at 2AM.