First Time Homeowner Anxiety
Hi, I just bought my first home and while I expected to experience some anxiety over being a homeowner, I find myself really, really worried: will I be happy there, will I be working just to pour money into the place, will I ever be able to take a vacation again, will I do something…
Hi, I just bought my first home and while I expected to experience some anxiety over being a homeowner, I find myself really, really worried: will I be happy there, will I be working just to pour money into the place, will I ever be able to take a vacation again, will I do something wrong or not do something I am supposed to do that will cause an issue with the heating or electrical? I am really overwhelmed and would love to hear how other managed the stress–even alleviated it a little. Are the strategies for maintaining your sanity and your home?
CantaffordCarroll;
I think the issue comes down to the percentage of your income that is going towards your housing,and whether your values/emotions are in sync with your finances. Brenda from Flatbush touches on this issue well: how “house poor” will you be, and are you willing to live the life such a financial situation requires?
The conventional wisdom used to be that 25% of your income should go towards shelter, be it in the form of rent or ownership. Included in this 25% should be your rent or mortgage payment, property taxes and ownership costs like repairs, maintenance, etc. I have always stuck to this 25% rule, even though it meant that I was living in housing less “fashionable” than many of my peers. I believe this rule of thumb is wise, in that it gives one enough financial flexibility to take on life’s other challenges: kids, college, investing for retirement, unexpected illnesses my family has encountered, etc.
Other folks pay alot more of their income towards housing, i.e. are “house poor”. Some folks go into it with their eyes open, and live with the bargain. In my experience,however, it wears many folks down after a while. There IS something to be said for having disposable income to treat yourself to a nice dinner, or vacation, and to not count on your home as your retirement piggy bank (which basically means you have to sell your home and move to a cheaper location when you retire).
Take stock of your finances, your values and emotions, and the answer will become clear to you over time. Only you and your family know your situation.
One final caution I would give you. There are those who would argue that one should “go to the max” in buying a home, arguing that one should commit 40, even 50% of your income towards housing. I would advise against this thinking. We are at the end of a long,long rise in housing pricing, and I doubt we will see such a robust appreciation for a long while. Folks who bought their homes 30 years ago benefitted tremendously from 2 trends:
a) the inflation of the 70’s and early 80’s, which rewarded those who were borrowers;
b) the long-term decline of interest rates of the past 20 years.
Neither of these trends are with us any longer (though there is a chance inflation will come back, but I doubt it). Interest rates are at historic lows: they can only go up. If anything, we are more likely facing the prospect of deflation, as Japan experienced for 10 years after their real estate bubble collapsed in the early 90’s. Those who say that real estate only goes up over a 10 year period are ignorant of history.
I’m not trying to be negative here – I’m trying to give you some sober advice. Good luck with your decisions ahead.
I agree, the jitters will pass. The hardest part is having patience. You probably want so much to be done, but that’s not financially possible, or it just seems to take soooo long. You just need to take things step by step, project by project.
I remember the feeling when my landlord-from-hell told me she wanted me out after 17 years, unless I paid $400 more a month, starting the next month. My living arrangements are now in my hands. There is much satisfaction in that.
Give yourself time to get to know your house, prioritize your projects, and don’t worry that everything you want to do can’t be done immediately. If you are in it for the long haul, the ups and downs of the housing market will even out, in your favor, I might add, and you will be contributing to the history, legacy, and quality of life of your neighborhood. Congratulations.
We bought our wreck 21 years ago and all our worst fears (which you enumerate succinctly) came true. We are hostages, no, slaves, to this energy-devouring century-old heap, which delights in torturing us from its devious old mechanical heart to its leprous, flaking exterior. It has sucked every penny of disposable income from our combined labors while continuing to deteriorate before our eyes. We have made every imaginable mistake in attempting to “renovate” it, mistakes from which we seldom learn anything, because the next mistake arises from a totally different and unprecedented sort of calamity. Our so-called “investment” has kept us house-poor and chronically overwhelmed for what we laughingly call the “prime” of our lives. And unless someone gives us, oh, say, half a million dollars, it will never get any better. Needless to say, we love this pile of wretched wood and pipes with a passion so tender that to gaze upon it sometimes brings tears to our eyes, at least until a piece of woodwork or roofing falls off in plain sight.
I hope this helps.
also, if you are not the fix-it type, the first thing to do is get yourself a reliable handyman that can be your go to guy for whatever maintenance issues arise.
Hey cantaffordcarroll–I was just where you are a few months back. Never having bought a house before I was overwhelmed when we took ownership. How do I maintain the heating system? How do I find tenants? What are my neighbors like? Etc etc etc. Well a few months in and I couldn’t be happier for myself. All of the above have been manageable and just being open to the possibilities is all you need. IF you are practical and proactive you will handle all of the various issues that come up. I can totally understand why it is overwhelming though. Just know that you will figure it all out and then you will have the satisfaction of knowing that all of the love and effort and money that you pour into your house will be done for your own benefit and noone else’s. Good luck!
I was so excited to buy a place and I really wanted a building instead of a co-op. As soon as we went into contract, I started to freak out–the money, my lack of fix-it knowledge, leaving our old neighborhood etc. It has been a year and a half. I love my house. We fix things as we go. We take care of the most crucial problems right away and eventually get to the others. We’re slowly learning how to do things ourselves and finding people to hire when it’s beyond us. We’ve made some mistakes along the way and have had to redo some things. Although that can be frustrating, it’s part of the learning curve. It is unlikely that you will make such a huge mistake that it will seriously compromise the house. I wouldn’t go back for anything. It really will all seem worth it once you settle in there.(We have even managed to take some trips in the last year.) Like other posters have said, what you are feeling is normal–you will be fine.
As your surroundings become more familiar, you’ll probably become more relaxed. Educate yourself about the systems of your home and how to maintain and repair them. Read a book. Use this site and others. If you have an emergency repair, try to find the most reliable professionals to repair it. Ask your neighbors and friends for referrals. When doing of a non-emergency nature get several estimates from licensed contractors. Listen to what they say. As you speak to knowledgeable people you will get a better understanding of what is involved and be able to ask more pointed questions about the work. If you plan to live in your home for a long period of time, the vagaries of the market are not that important. Hopefully, you’ll love your home as much as your most comfortable shoes, with only a pebble to bother you every once in a while.
What you are feeling is normal. Time will ease (or at least replace) your anxieties.
I have seen more grief associated with overconfidence than with trepidation.
Old buildings were there before we got here, and will continue after we are gone. There is great stability there, part of what makes restoration or recycling historic buildings so satisfying.
In 30 years you will be grumbling about the tax bite if you wanted to sell.
When we purchased our first house in 1980, we signed up for a 14% mortgage and we paid ten points to get it. The mortgage payment took half my husband’s monthly take-home, we had other debt, I was making squat (our son had just been born), and the house needed everything, which is why we could “afford” it in the first place.
Which is to say, it will all work out. One day/task at a time; don’t project too far into the future or get overwhelmed by “everything” that needs to be done.
Agree with above posters: normal jitters.