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  1. “Does anyone have a dating story about butter or cream cheese that we can turn into a headline?”

    “STOP THE PRESSES! DAVE GETS SLATHERED WITH CREAM CHEESE BY YOUNG MANDARIN LOVER, SLIDES OFF BED, CRASHES INTO NAKED STATUE OF DAVID AT FOOT OF BED – JUNK FIRST, OUT OF SEXUAL COMMISSION FOR WEEKS! FILM AT ELEVEN.”

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