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  1. Anybody wearing patchouli perfume is just asking to be thrashed with a a manure-filled sock.

    I like going into candle stores at malls,
    that and the Hickory Farms stores.
    I’m surprised nobody’s come up with a hickory beef stick cologne.

  2. I was working at a sleepaway camp when Charles and Di married. We couldn’t watch it on TV, but the British counselors staged a reenactment in the cafeteria during lunch. You could tell they wanted to celebrate but that, surrounded by us Americans, they also wanted to poke a little fun at themselves. The royals live in a very different world now then they did at the time of the last royal wedding.

  3. Arkady, if you want to do some hard core tobacco drafting just stand in front of the Waldorf on Park Ave in the morning. That place is lousy with European tourists smoking out front.

  4. My sister gave me a scented candle one Christmas which
    stunk to high heaven. It was some kind of synthetic
    berry smell. I was a little guilty about just throwing it
    out, so I put it in the outside storage area under my stoop (for some reason). I could still smell it in my house and I finally threw it out rather than inflict it on
    somebody else.

  5. “they offered to take us to the big Yankee Candle store. Would rather be beaten with a hammer.”

    Couple a visit to Yankee Candle with one to those Christmas tree shops (which is inevitably next store) and you are talking about hell on earth.

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