complaining neighbor
I’m just curious as for your take on this. We are doing a big renovation on a house in the South Slope. Before beginning, I met with my neighbors, apologized in advance, explained all my plans. I have filed all plans with DOB, doing everything by the book. But because I have a hydrant in…
I’m just curious as for your take on this. We are doing a big renovation on a house in the South Slope. Before beginning, I met with my neighbors, apologized in advance, explained all my plans. I have filed all plans with DOB, doing everything by the book. But because I have a hydrant in front of my house, the dumpster ends up in front of my neighbor’s house. He is furious, calling me complaining. I go by the job site regularly and I think the contractors are doing a good job of keeping it clean and closing up the dumpster, but the guy calls 311. The inspector comes by, says, keep it clean, but no citation, as we are doing okay. Should I be doing something different or is this guy just being a jerk?
Thanks for the reply Steve–obviously you’ve done more than some people by speaking to your neighbors in the first place. And obviously he is not cool with the dumpster and complained. Which is what you’re supposed to do when you’re unhappy. If you’re upset that your neighbor is upset–and you ARE–complain to the contractor. You’re paying him, and you’re paying him to deal with problems, not complain to you. You’re making yourself and your neighbor upset because you are unwilling to be more firm with the contractor who does this for a living. Of the three parties, he should be the one most able to be inconvenienced because he’s the one being paid. Maybe the neighbors are just angry–or maybe the disruption of your construction during a heat wave is angering them. We’re all human. Unless he’s a total creep, your neighbor should be soothed by contact and apology from you–recognizing that he is angry and has a right to be angry and that you respect that and appreciate his patience. Don’t think, “I’ve done all I can do”: since the presence of the dumpster is ongoing, maybe consideration from you needs to be as well. It’s nice to warn them about the construction, but you are warning them that their peace and quiet and privacy and even parking or play space will be disrupted for months. It may not have bothered you in the past, but it bothers them, and I understand that. It doesn’t necessarily make him a jerk. If you just bought the house, he may not know you and feels you’re getting the relationship off on a bad foot.
Thanks for all the commentary. I appreciate all viewpoints.
I just want to say that I do think we’ve been communicative and responsible by any reasonable standard. I started off by explaining all our plans and apologizing profusely. Nonetheless, I understand those of you who say I should go to even more extraordinary lengths to satisfy my neighbor. I guess I was pissed off by his immediately angry manner and his calling 311 (which I would only do in an extreme case.) I would be likely to do more for him if he had taken a friendlier approach.
The contractor says it would be extremely inconvenient to relocate the dumpster (to the friendly neighbors) , because the hitch is only on one side, and therefore the only time they could ever move it would be the weekly street cleaning. He says that’s hard to coordinate for the dumpster company and would cost them time and money. Ditto with truck removal.
It may be that the contractor is being stubborn here. I have tried to pressure the contractor but everything is such a delicate negotiation (time, money, etc..) and I’m not sure how necessary it is, how much I care to spend on it, because part of me feels like I’ve done everything reasonable, and part of me feels bad because it obviously upsets him.
On the other hand, I’ve lived with dumpsters in front of my house, or renovations next doors and never thought of complaining. I hear what you’re saying, irm, but I would have the exact same attitude if my neighbor was renovating — just something i have to put up with, as long as there is some consideration.
I feel like they just are angry, and nothing I can do will palliate them, but i’ll keep trying.
How about putting the dumpster in front of the OTHER neighbor’s? *the one who’s not complaining.
You are really being ridiculous- an if the neighbor wants to renovate? I repeat- read steve’s OP. You obviously haven’t bothered.
the dumpster is not permanent, it’s part of a special situation. the neighbor os going out of his way to make it a problem. He needs to get over himself. I see my neighbor’s garbage every week- so what? It goes on the street for collection. That’s the way it is.
And your solution? make it the other neighbor’s problem? Because the first neighbor really doesn’t give a damn about anything except himself. And for the final time- it’s a public street. It belongs to everyone. Do you know nothing about construction or renovation? You must not.
Webster’s doesn’t support what you’re saying–“affecting all people” includes the cranky neighbor. He is adversely affected. And the dumpster is not about the well-being of the community but the well-being of one person. It’s shared space and it’s piggy to hog it especially when it’s not in front of your own house. The renovation is too much for steve to live with. I get that. But his neighbors are living with it and he should appreciate how inconvenient that is. Steve didn’t so much do what a good neighbor does as what is required by law. If your neighbor left his filled garbage cans in front of your house for weeks on end and defended himself by saying he had a permit to do so, you would still be peeved. And understandably so. The message being sent–and I believe it’s as unintentional as it is real–is that Steve’s convenience is more important than his neighbor’s comfort. The bottom line is that the situation is NOT working for steve’s neighbor so he should move the dumpster to the other side. And, if the other neighbors object? Wel,, then maybe it isn’t reasonable to ask your neighbors to greet your crap every morning for days on end.
irm- OP made every effort to be considerate of his neighbor and to minimize the inconvenience. Construction is messy and dirty and affects your neighbors but what’s the alternative? Never renovate your house or fix it? I’m speaking as one who has lived through it several times, and I do know what it’s like. Construction is a necessity,a pain for everyone, dumpsters are ugly, get over it.
“I’m sure you didn’t mean to insult him, but you have to accept that you have and move forward from there. As long as your dumpster is there, he can’t park in front of his own house or even look out the door without being confronted with it.”
What a totally ridiculous statement. Do you think renovators can throw debris out in little scented kitchen bags? Not repair their houses until the floors cave in so as not to “insult” the neighbor with their dumpster? How asinine.
And frankly, it is a public street.
Definitions from Merriam-Webster of “Public”:
exposed to general view
of, relating to, or affecting all the people or the whole area of a nation or state
of or relating to business or community interests as opposed to private affairs
pertaining or devoted to the welfare or well-being of the community
Do you see anywhere “individuals are entitled to control the city street outside their door or window? Steve pays taxes too, you know. It’s his street just as much as the control-freak neighbor’s. Plain and simple.
If steve really believed his neighbors should be “honored” to live in his debris, he wouldn’t have approached them in the first place, nor be as conscientious about checking on the contractor, nor have gotten all the proper permits. He did exactly what a good neighbor does. Other than that, it’s on the bad neighbor’s head.
My neighbors are very good. They are always helping me. But sometimes I very angry on my neighbors because they shouting very much.
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jeff
widecircles
Hi steve–in this instance, you may be the one who is being unreasonable. Take a deep breath and consider: you’re not living with the construction, but your neighbor is. There is noise, dust, possibly vermin stirred up from the walls and or ground, lots of strange guys milling around and an attendant loss of privacy. To top it all off, he is also living with your crap literally in his face day and night. He’s your neighbor, he pays taxes same as you, and he expects a reasonable quality of life. It is unfair for you to act as though the mess of your construction isn’t unpleasant.
Saying “that’s life in the city” or “it’s a public street” as some posters have is saying nothing. You have to respect people in order for a city to work. This isn’t a theme park or a playpen. If you can afford to gut renovate your house you can afford to ameliorate the inconvenience for your neighbors. Go to him with a gift certificate for a local restaurant, a definite day on which the dumpster will be gone and an apology. That’s life in the big city kids: respecting boundaries and not behaving as if other people should be honored to live amidst your debris.
I don’t know why the dumpster bothers him, but it does, and it’s probably that it seems insulting to him. I’m sure you didn’t mean to insult him, but you have to accept that you have and move forward from there. As long as your dumpster is there, he can’t park in front of his own house or even look out the door without being confronted with it. The idea of a public street isn’t that you can do whatever you want without regard for others, it’s that you all treat it wisely to increase the peace.
I fully agree with bxgirl’s comments. I’m not sure why you have to bend over backwards to placate this neighbor, who is not being reasonable. Some people need strife in their lives, and this person is choosing you for that. I would continue to be nice and neighborly to him when you see him, but I certainly would not go out of my way to buy him gifts.