Honestly, I am a woman who does skilled labor and I dislike working with female clients more often than male clients because of attitudes like Ysabelles.
Men tend to be willing to concede that they are paying for a service and are therefore more willing to just give the person they pay control over what they have paid for and trust them. They are realistic about the transaction.
Women, whether they are working with male or female skilled laborers, tend more often than men to get weird and controlling about what they are asking for. They tend to assume that their understanding of the job translates into control over things that have more to do with the reality on the ground–on Newtonian physics and the properties of materials and the particulars of what job was bid upon–than their understanding of these ideas.
This is a huge generalization, but what the hell. Women, more often than men, have taken me for a ride. They tend more often to assume that *they* are being taken advantage of, and so behave defensively, micromanage, create weird expectations about how things are done after the process has been agreed upon, and can be much more difficult to work with because they are not straightforward and take more time to express any idea.
I have worked with enough macho assholes to understand how frustrating it is to work with men. Trust me. I know that it is awful to work with a dick-swinging apeman and offend his sensitive teeny little ego and wind up with a room full of sawdust and a case in small-claims court.
But the door swings both ways! Women who have been trained not to act all womany through years of working with men in a man’s field are, first of all, really good at shutting down macho sensitivity, and second are not going to be any more amenable to the sillybusiness of a typical female client than a man is.
Labor is an excellent arena for dulling the sharp corners of either gender. Ysabelle: if you are having a “great deal of grief” then you are half of the equation. You should just be getting a small plate of grief or small bites, or none at all. You have a lot of control over the situation. You need, first, to drop this idea that you “cannot physically do it.” I am 120lbs soaking wet and I make huge steel things and weld all day, and I renovate my house all night and all weekend. Be honest with yourself and your contractor and say that you don’t care to do it, or don’t have the skills, or the training.
When you say that you “cannot physically do it” you start a chain of bad gender lies. You start thinking that you know more than you actually do about what your contractor is actually doing. You start assuming that you are helpless when in fact you have the ultimate power in a capitalist economy: the money. And you start thinking that your contractor is like a robot-arm–an extension of your own physical body when in fact your contractor is a professional that you pay to take responsibility for a set of tasks that you agree upon during a series of meetings, and that the contractor has to have the agency to carry out!
Ysabelle, I don’t know you and I may be speaking when I don’t know what I am talking about. But I have had enough really awful experiences working with female clients that sounded so eerily similar to what you are posting to have a good idea!
Amen.
10 Red Flags About Contractors:
I’ve done it this way for 30 years.
Leave it to the professionals.
What’s insurance?
I need full payment before I start.
It’s cheaper to do it this way, forget about the codes.
I’ll remove that copper for free.
There is an extra charge for clean up and disposal of the mess we make.
I don’t have a cell phone. My answering machine is on all the time.
I’m sorry, I don’t accept checks, cash only.
Let me find a piece of scap paper to write you a contract.
just asking because I would like to work with either a man or woman who is good, and i wanted to find more women to interview. (I’m a woman).
response to 8:08pm.
Please don’t be preachy.
I cannot physcally do it…means exactly that.
my physician told me not to lift anything strenuous
Honestly, I am a woman who does skilled labor and I dislike working with female clients more often than male clients because of attitudes like Ysabelles.
Men tend to be willing to concede that they are paying for a service and are therefore more willing to just give the person they pay control over what they have paid for and trust them. They are realistic about the transaction.
Women, whether they are working with male or female skilled laborers, tend more often than men to get weird and controlling about what they are asking for. They tend to assume that their understanding of the job translates into control over things that have more to do with the reality on the ground–on Newtonian physics and the properties of materials and the particulars of what job was bid upon–than their understanding of these ideas.
This is a huge generalization, but what the hell. Women, more often than men, have taken me for a ride. They tend more often to assume that *they* are being taken advantage of, and so behave defensively, micromanage, create weird expectations about how things are done after the process has been agreed upon, and can be much more difficult to work with because they are not straightforward and take more time to express any idea.
I have worked with enough macho assholes to understand how frustrating it is to work with men. Trust me. I know that it is awful to work with a dick-swinging apeman and offend his sensitive teeny little ego and wind up with a room full of sawdust and a case in small-claims court.
But the door swings both ways! Women who have been trained not to act all womany through years of working with men in a man’s field are, first of all, really good at shutting down macho sensitivity, and second are not going to be any more amenable to the sillybusiness of a typical female client than a man is.
Labor is an excellent arena for dulling the sharp corners of either gender. Ysabelle: if you are having a “great deal of grief” then you are half of the equation. You should just be getting a small plate of grief or small bites, or none at all. You have a lot of control over the situation. You need, first, to drop this idea that you “cannot physically do it.” I am 120lbs soaking wet and I make huge steel things and weld all day, and I renovate my house all night and all weekend. Be honest with yourself and your contractor and say that you don’t care to do it, or don’t have the skills, or the training.
When you say that you “cannot physically do it” you start a chain of bad gender lies. You start thinking that you know more than you actually do about what your contractor is actually doing. You start assuming that you are helpless when in fact you have the ultimate power in a capitalist economy: the money. And you start thinking that your contractor is like a robot-arm–an extension of your own physical body when in fact your contractor is a professional that you pay to take responsibility for a set of tasks that you agree upon during a series of meetings, and that the contractor has to have the agency to carry out!
Ysabelle, I don’t know you and I may be speaking when I don’t know what I am talking about. But I have had enough really awful experiences working with female clients that sounded so eerily similar to what you are posting to have a good idea!
I am a woman and had a great deal of grief from male contractors for no apparrent reason.
The machismo thing gets in their way when they work.
Many women understand the work but physically cannot do it.
If you don’t do what they want they will walk off the job and live you in a mess.
There has to be some way women can get their renovations done, peacefully and respectfully.
whatever dude. that’s lame when you have nothing else to offer…
Me thinks 4:12 thinks you prefer women…in every way.
excuse me? not sure what you are implying