December 15, 2007

Reality Check

We all know there are a number of "fucktards" who frequent the Brownstoner--who are more likely than not logged in anonymously as "guest" and who take advantage of their anonymity to be generally obnoxious. I, along with my fellow bloggers and forum posters, generally ignore them but every once in a while they bring something up that merits a response or perhaps some clarification. In this case, the recent flurry of responses to a long posting laying out the current state of the duplex in which T and I are living in our brownstone has made me realize that very few of our readers know who the hell we are, and that I need to re-evaluate why I even write this blog.

I was first inspired to write after months of reading all the other blogs and realizing that our particular situation was not represented. We are regular people, who prior to this undertaking did not have any experience or expertise in renovating or restoring brownstones. But we loved them and spent many a day walking the streets of Brownstone Brooklyn dreaming of having one of our own. Like many many many other brownstone lovers these days, we were priced out of Park Slope and Fort Greene, so our searching led us to the streets of Clinton Hill, Bed Stuy, and Crown Heights until we found the place you have been reading about.

We do not have a ton of money but we have good white-collar jobs and manage to earn, eat, pay the mortgage, and even save a little. That said, we aren't able to hire an army of contractors and get all the work done all at once while living at the Four Seasons during renovations. And here is the reality check for all the naysayers claiming we bitch too much, know too little, should've known about or expected everything we've encountered, and otherwise speak from a height of knowledge and wisdom that they apparently have occupied since birth, when they strode through the waves like Venus from the shell, armed with hammer and T-square, architectural renderings, and a rolodex full of excellent and honest contractors. The reality is that though we came into this with no background in building or renovating and while we've struggled and haven't always known the best practice or next step of each moment of our renovation, and while it would've been easier and more comfortable to try and get others to do everything and to live elsewhere while the work was being done, that's not why we bought the house and not what we were ever interested in doing in the first place. I wouldn't say we like living in these conditions but we wouldn't live anywhere else during this undertaking--even if we could afford it. When we go away for a weekend, we are always desperate to get back at the end of it. It's a sickness to be sure--but one I'd assume that most of you are afflicted with too. Owning and renovating an old house is by definition a love-hate relationship. If you live on-site and are doing as much of the work yourself as possible and love every moment of it, you either enjoy a good bondage and spanking session every now and again or know just the person to supply you with some very nice drugs--or both.

This blog was supposed to be a venue for me to VENT and to be part of a COMMUNITY. I thought perhaps the blog would get other people in like situations to post not only about their brilliant strategies and success stories, but also about planning that wasn't so successful and difficulties that arose and how they overcame problems--expected or not. And in turn, I thought our stories would be encouraging to others, since in spite of our own difficulties, unpleasant surprises, and just-plain-hardship, we continue to make what we feel are ultimately good decisions that have led to real progress and which have sustained our love for this house and our desire to continue with it until done. I thought that the community would share their knowledge and resources with us. I didn't think the hardships and frustrations that I share here would be interpreted as negative--they are all stories of powering on and through. We did not go into this renovation thinking we would do most of the work ourselves but those are the cards we have been dealt and we are playing them. I'm reminded of a something T says about his trouble-making teenage years: "I almost never set a 'good example' for my brother and sister growing up, but I sure as hell showed them what NOT to do."

Real renovation is not "Flip That House" or "Trading Spaces" or whatever personality shows are on HGTV. Real renovation is about spending 30 hours every weekend stripping wood until your hands are so raw, red, and swollen that you can barely move them--only to discover that the beautiful wood you're trying to uncover and restore is still not visible.

Real renovation is about installing a vanity and sink and the floor beneath it falling through to the room below. A renovation of this size means there are times when you're not sure what to do first or next, where to spend your resources, how best to utilize limited time.

I never expected it would be easy but I also didn't expect it to be this hard. Sharing this with others is not whining and it doesn't make me a wimp. It makes me honest. Everyone who has ever done any renovating knows that there are days when the end seems very far away and the gameplan seems insufficient.

I have a smart-ass, cynical, and sometimes self-deprecating sense of humor. It's clear that many readers don't get that. When I say I am "chipping paint off the door like chocolate" or that our renovation pillow has had all the feathers beat out of it, I do not mean those things literally. I AM BEING FUNNY--maybe not ha-ha funny or even belly-chuckle funny, but hopefully "heh, goddamn" funny. Laugh (it relieves stress); be nice; OR

I'll have to sick my cat on ya....................

And finally, I know I talk about a taboo subject in my blog, and evidently it scares folks and makes them uncomfortable. I think some of you need to get over it because it's an everyday reality. Renovation involves money. You need to buy materials. You need to pay for labor and expertise. You need to pay for hospital bills and the shrink (this is meant to be funny: laugh). You need to forecast and re-forecast. I talk about money because someone needs to. I am the money manager on the project and I count the money--over and over and over. The more I have the more I can do. Sometimes I want to do more with less. Often, I spend more than I want to. It seems sometimes you can spend a lot and get less than you expected in return. And unfortunately, sometimes you spend and get nothing. Those are not good days. I am sure I am not the only one who uses money (but for those of you who don't use or need it, money is a medium of exchange; US currency is green and rectangular; it has pictures of dead presidents on it (well, except for the Benjamins, and everybody knows it's all about the Benjamins). I am sure I am not the only one who has used currency in the renovation of a house. And if I am and the rest of you are out there bartering in a tax-free world, PLEASE let me join your club (though I'd rather not join one called "The Fucktards"), I'll pay you (again, this...is meant...to be...funny).

Ultimately, if you don't like my posts, don't read them. No one is forcing anyone here. And don't waste my time, your time, and everyone else's time whining about me when I could be wasting my own time working on my house or reading the advice of the otherwise helpful and friendly members of the Brownstoner community instead of responding to jerks.

Posted by HomeSweetstuy at 12:10 PM | Comments (22) | TrackBacks (0)

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