Damage to my old house -- who should pay?

Frankly, your so-called "friends" are entirely inappropriate, and probably aren't going to pay anyway. What kind of friends allow their teenage son and girlfriend to show up on the doorstep of "friends" without first calling ahead and clearing it with you. You've already done them a favor by putting up one son, and another shows up, too, with girlfriend in tow!!!??? Can you imagine sending your teenage kid to stay at a friends without you calling first?

I would simply call the friends and say that you are sorry, but you are calling to inform them that their children's stay has caused damage due to them being negligent houseguests. If the parents don't immediately offer to make some restitution, tell them their son can no longer stay with you as of tomorrow. The son can go back home, but you should not put up with him any longer. The parents sound like friends you don't need. (Unless there's some backstory and you owe them for some big favor -- but even then, they sound like inconsiderate people and no wonder their kids behave as they do.)

Posted by: guest at January 5, 2008 4:55 PM

I also agree with Putnam, and that it should be your husband who makes the call. I also think a lesson to be learned: as soon as you got wind of the guest coming, your husband should have gotten on the phone with their parents. Then, once you determined that they would be there unsupervised - REALLY get on the phone with their parents. Who knows what they were told and what they knew. They needed to be told that those kids would be in the house alone and you didn't want to be responsible.

Posted by: guest at January 5, 2008 5:28 PM

I agree with above, and your husband should call the parents immediately and explain exactly what happened and how you came home to find 2 unsupervised teenagers in your house. But it's hard for me to believe that the parents didn't know where their teenager was going to stay for the holidays, and leaving it up to another son without themselves calling to check on this already implies that they aren't the most thoughtful of people. Unless both the kids made up a pack of lies to tell their parents, it's hard to believe they did not bother to call you themselves first. If the kids told their parents lies about the situation, do you want that kid in your house anymore?

However, I'd forget about getting reimbursed for anything, although if I was the parent I'd certainly offer to pay and I'd take them up on it if they do. But I wouldn't continue my relationship with this family unless the parents had profuse apologies and a good explanation excusing their own inconsiderate actions.

Posted by: guest at January 5, 2008 5:41 PM

sounds harsh, but it's your fault: you left 2 teenagers unsupervised.

Posted by: guest at January 5, 2008 9:08 PM

I agree with 9:08. I wouldn't leave my rental apartment, much less a place I owned that was undergoing renovation, to teenagers. Your call, your loss. And if it was your husband's sense of social obligation that made you do so, then you and your husband need to have some serious talks about how you will lend your property in such a way that meets both of your needs in the future.

Posted by: guest at January 5, 2008 10:53 PM

Your husband needs to grow a pair and kick these "friends" to the curb. And their trashy sons, too. Good riddance.

Posted by: guest at January 6, 2008 10:29 AM

You made the call despite your reservations. Suck it up.

Posted by: guest at January 6, 2008 3:59 PM

What a crappy situation. I can identify with you and your husband--trying to be nice and cool and letting these teenagers hang out. But there's no reason your generosity should end up costing you money. However, I do think it should be your husband's call, since the friendship is on his side. I would definitely give Joe a good scolding though, and tell him to find a place ASAP, and why. He should also be held responsible for what his brother and company did.

Posted by: guest at January 6, 2008 4:09 PM

Poster 5:41pm again -- I can't believe people are blaming you for this. How ridiculous! You were asked if a younger brother could "stay with" his older brother (thus supervised) when you were away, and after saying no, told that the brother had already booked tickets. Thus, faced with an incredibly rude response to your answer, you made a not horrible judgement call that they could come anyway. The problem was that in fact, they weren't "visiting" Joe, since he had no plans to be around. But it sounds as if you only had a very short time in which you knew this.
Your choices appeared to be either miss you plane and ruin your vacation to take care of this, throw the kids out on the street in a strange city, or allow them to stay despite your reservations.

This is not a "your call, your loss" situation. The parents of these kids, your so-called friends, made the call by allowing them to visit you without themselves first checking whether that was okay with you. It was their parents who sent them to your home unsupervised, and thus their responsibility for the kids' behavior.

I also thought you shouldn't expect these thoughtless parents to offer to pay for damages, and so should just forget it. However, the posters trying to make you feel guilty for this are really out of line. Had you kicked them out and something had happened to them you would have felt far worse. The fault entirely lies with parents who thought nothing of sending them somewhere where the kids would be unsupervised, and doing so without even asking permission. Truly inexcusable.

Posted by: guest at January 6, 2008 6:15 PM

Hey, great idea 6:14pm

Posted by: guest at January 6, 2008 6:15 PM

I think Joe should be held responsible, seriously. He's obviously a manipulative teenager who has zero consideration. He had the gall to tell you his brother HAD ALREADY BOUGHT THE TICKET!!!! So he went ahead and told his brother to come, thinking you'd either automatically say yes, or that he'd force your hand. That's insanity right there. He FORCED you to house his brother and girlfriend. The snotty teen put you up against the wall. That kind of behavior is learned from the parents--but he should be made to face the consequences. I would NEVER have done something like that as a teen. Your husband's friends truly suck, and are taking advantage of you and him both. I bet they wouldn't be that generous in your shoes.

Posted by: guest at January 6, 2008 7:11 PM

It seems like you got broadsided by all of this happening as you were in the middle of 2 holiday trips, which are usually stressful enough on their own. Had it been in the middle of nothing else going on, your husband should have called his friends and informed them of what was going on.

Aside from the water damage, God knows what 2 teenagers, not from NYC, running around unsupervised could have gotten into. In my day, no kid would ever be able to bring a girl/boyfriend into another adult's home, where they are presumably going to sleep together, when that has not been cleared by the hosts. We may have been prudes in my teenage day, but even today, not everyone is comfortable with this arrangement.

It's probably a miracle that they didn't have wild drug parties, invite people they met on the street into your house, or have someone OD in the bathroom. Sounds like a plot for Law and Order. Call their parents. If they are decent people, they will offer to pay something, and hopefully parent their children in the future.

Posted by: guest at January 6, 2008 7:11 PM

I hope you are not still allowing "joe" to stay there? IF so, did you double his rent? That will more than cover the expenses. Also ask for a security deposit. Treat him as a renter and not as a guest.

Posted by: guest at January 7, 2008 12:13 PM

I'd be throwing out Joe and possibly my husband too. How rude and irresponsible these people are. Your husband wants to sacrifice your interest for the sake of friends of his family who have been abusing your friendship repeatedly. Hubby needs to choose you, get the reimbursement and a clue. Nobody needs friends like this. You are teaching them it's ok to screw you over. If these kids can afford a plane ticket and their parents think they are responsible enough to be on their own in NY then they are old and mature enough to pay for their idiocy. Losing friends like this is no loss.

Posted by: guest at January 8, 2008 2:16 PM

I would simply tell Joe that he is responsible for his younger brother's damages, and tell him to propose a reasonable payment plan to compensate for the damages -- maybe an additional $250 a month until he makes it whole. He needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions now that he is out of college. And make sure that he agrees to some type of final payment when he moves out.

Joe is not a child anymore, and your husband should not protect him like he is a helpless ward.

Posted by: guest at January 8, 2008 4:35 PM

I completely agree with poster 2:16 that your husband needs to stand behing YOU and quit siding with people who aren't even relatives of his.'Joe' is obviously a manipulative liar, and I would absolutely hold him responsibe for the damages. You may never see the money, but you would at least be rid of him. And even if he pays up I would be putting him on the fast track out of your place. He lost any right to stay there when he played you for a sucker. And yes, if you do allow him to stay you are teaching him and his brother its ok to screw people. As to the parents, my feeling is they were played as well. I would let them know what their kids had done. And you need to learn a lesson as well: No means no. You should have been clued in to the kid as soon as he told you his brother had already bought tickets. The proper response should have been : "Well he is going to have to cancel them. You should never had told him he could come without getting my permission first". But making a bad call does not give him the right to walk all over you.

Posted by: guest at January 8, 2008 11:45 PM

We call this a "teachable moment" where I come from (nowhere special).

I think you should decide with your husband what you are going to do and let the calm party (sounds like him) do the talking.

You certainly can't ask the family to pay for more than the actual cost of that ceiling chunk, but you *should* ask the youths to pay for something, if only so that next time they find themselves wondering what to do in a similar situation (hide? or call mom?) they'll maybe go the "call mom" route.

I'd go to the parents and say ...
* we had no idea Joe's brother was bringing a friend or would be unsupervised;
* Joe lied to us;
* the kids didn't even do the basic things they could have done to mitigate the damage (like drying out the toaster immediately and mopping up the water);

And I'd say that while you know they are kids and you can't expect them to pay back the full cost of what they have wrought, they should be required to do something to address this.

Posted by: guest at July 17, 2008 1:56 PM

PS, if this was a real teenager, is it not possible that it will be news to his parents as well that Joe wasn't around to supervise this weeklong tryst?

Posted by: guest at July 17, 2008 1:58 PM