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June 1, 2007
Buyer's Remorse
I've just moved into a Bklyn brownstone that's been my dream for months (during the negotiation, contract-writing, mortgage-approval process), only to find myself pining for my former apt. I know intellectually this remorese will ebb over time - the house is a great improvement in almost every respect over my old place, but, as they say, I'm just not feeling it. Part of it has to do with decor. The contemporary furniture that looked great in my high-rise co-op clashes mightily with the double parlor layout of the townhouse (right now it looks like a contest between Tara and a 70s rec room), and the rental apartment that the broker claimed would fetch a tidy sum has been sitting on the market (for 2 whole weeks! self-mocking tone intended) without a taker. I realize this post will strike some of you as insufferably whiny, but wanted to sound out those with a more touchy-feely bent about how you've coped with similar buyer's remorse. Thanks for whatever comments you might have.
Comments
I'm with you - I miss my doorman terribly. And don't have $ yet to buy more furniture. My short-term solution is to paint walls and keep the place neat.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 10:44 AM
Changes, even when they're for the better, often can cause many of us uncomfortable moments, a lack of ease...
And of course your old furnishings look strange in your new home... you'll weed out the old pieces that are a clash over some time, and add in new pieces that will tie everthing together.
It takes patience and time to put together your personal space, but you will, and then you will
have that great sense of "I'm home now".
By the way... Congratulations on your new home purchase!
Posted by: bren at June 1, 2007 10:54 AM
Been there. My solution was to start a project. Was overwhelming but by starting, I felt so much closer to finishing - paint a room, paint the radiators, plan stuff out, look for affordable light fixtures . . .
And if you find yourself pining for your doorman, think of all the fun stuff you can do with the money that' you're not "wasting" on maintenance ;-)
Posted by: John at June 1, 2007 11:22 AM
You'll be happy at holiday tipping time not to have a big building staff around.
Posted by: anon at June 1, 2007 11:25 AM
It will pass. John's right, pick a project to get things where you want them to be. And buy a case of wine and some beer . . . definitely will come in handy. :)
Posted by: lp at June 1, 2007 11:32 AM
i think everybody feels this to a certain degree, i know i did. evne though i'm logically aware of the superiority of my new place over the old place, but i was there for so long, and so comfortable that lots of stuff seemed very jarring. my problem was wanting everything fixed immediately and unless you're a flipper, you literally have 'the rest of your life' to change things to your liking.
to that end, to aid you in your time of need, i will be happy to take all that modern furniture off your hands :)
Posted by: Jimmy Legs at June 1, 2007 11:35 AM
Went thru the same exact feeling a year ago when I moved into my brownstone after having lived in doorman buildings for nearly 18 years. The upside is the increased space of course but I miss the luxury of not having to maintain a house and worrying about the roof leaking, boiler going on the fritz, shovelling snow, etc. I am much more comfortable now but it took renovating/painting to make the place mine. You need to purge the place of the previous owner and make it your home. I agree w/the previous poster that suggested starting a project. There will be a lot of projects, make a list, prioritize and get busy. Good Luck and congratulations.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 11:40 AM
I remember it well. When we moved in, I thought a coat of paint was all it was going to take to make this place home. 3 years later and there's nary a square inch of this place that I haven't personally stripped,sanded, ripped out and replaced, repaired, reconfigured and/or improved. This house is now so much 'mine' I can't imagine going back to a rental where someone else makes the decisions and repairs. I'm a completely different person now with a whole new set of skills and interests.
You might not have the same experience, but I imagine the satisfaction of giving your home the care it requires and learning about it will help you past your feelings of regret. It's a progression - give it time.
And I'd love any of that furniture that JimmyLegs leaves behind!
Posted by: houseowax at June 1, 2007 11:52 AM
I'm surprised you mentioned the rental apartment. Just drop the rent, take some better pictures and put an ad on craigslist. It is a landlords market. Having some activity down there might make you feel less empty inside.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 11:53 AM
It's such a relief to hear people saying all this, because we went through the same thing! So much so we seriously considering selling in under a year of living in the house.
We also thought our house was in great shape when we bought it, mostly, except for bad cheap taste in bathroom vanities and fixtures by the flipper seller. Now two basement floods later which we finally fixed, and it looking like we'll have to tear out the entire 2nd floor bathroom to fix longtime leaks and sagging beams, we're realizing the work will be constant and ongoing in here. However there is a point that comes where you just get settled in and it becomes home. Hang in there, it will happen. We went through two different extremes from "we hate it let's sell" to feeling like we're sticking with it and the house is now a part of us. And the change happened quickly funny enough. One week, it just happened.
Congratulations and good luck. As for the rental apartment, yes take new photos. Also lower the price. Remember when people search for apartments on Craigs List they'll search in certain price ranges. Sometimes dropping the price another $100 puts you in another bracket where you'll find greater numbers of interested parties.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 12:50 PM
I have the luxury of having to endure a full gut reno that has completely distracted me from what would otherwise have been complete post-appartum depression. (That was bad, sorry). But seriously: I cannot imagine what hell you must be going through to adapt to such a huge change. I had an inkling of it for a couple months, between buying the place and starting the renovation: IT WAS HELL. I didn't want to visit the building! I was depressed at the thought of going there! Now, it is my sanctuary, solace, and personality.
You know what's really fun with old buildings, and very modern? Get creative with salvage. All those old architectural pieces that you can make shelves or tables of whatever out of. You can't put that stuff into an apartment, but in a house, you can make it totally magical, weird, fun, with stuff that isn't too expensive, and a strip/paint job. Just start to research great demo-salvage places and start playing with your surroundings.
Don't get confused between "apartment" and "modern". I find that there is nothing more outdated and stodgy than the old manhattan doorman cliche.
Mind you, I hate that stuffy old brownstone interior decor look too, and to me industrial/salvage is a way to shake it up and make it modern and weird and rustic and character-ful, without being generically "modern" (ie 70s crap). You can really only play with that kind of aesthetic -- pieces of old millwork, stone, steel, iron, brick etc -- in a house, be it farmouse, carriage house or brownstone.
Go to Darr on Atlantic, they have awesome pieces that might inspire you.
And if you look around at some of the most beautiful new bars and restaurants in manhattan (Freeman's, the Box, Monday Room, La Esquina, Beatrix Inn), they are all showing this gorgeous eclectic design in such a fresh light.
so throw all the so-called "modern" stuff out and start from scratch -- or scratched up, used up, thrown out, and re-loved . . . ;)
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 12:55 PM
I hated my house and felt terrible here until I threw out a picture of the former owners parents (these were grim looking 1920's italian immigrants,, huge, unwieldy and hand retouched). The day I took them to the dump I found a 24" Roseville umbrella stand which had been spray painted gold. Now THAT crap was worth taking.
As soon as those two old Sicilians were gone, I felt like the evil eye left.
It was very symbolic. I still have the vase : )
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 12:57 PM
But do you still have the Rosevill umbrella stands? They sound awesome!!!!
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 1:05 PM
Bad news: It'll NEVER be "finished."
Good news: It's all yours and you'll never want for projects.
Believe it or not, your's is a good problem.
Posted by: Bob Marvin at June 1, 2007 1:17 PM
I felt that way for a long time when I moved in many years ago. And our neighborhood was very dicey then, making us think we might have made a mistake. Now I have raised my family in this house and it feels like our homestead - the house my children come home to.
Brownstones are big houses, everything about them is large in scale and the time to feel comfortable may take longer too. You will know you have acclimated when your friend's ordinary apartments feel sort of cavelike with their 8 foot ceilings and if you miss your doorman, go sit on your stoop in the evening. You can't do that in a highrise.
Regarding furniture, the proportions of ordinary scale furniture often doesn't fit too well into B'stones and modern pieces (made for small rooms with 8 foot ceilings) don't look good. I found things at antique stores and fortunately large pieces such as big sofas are popular right now at traditional furniture stores.
Good luck and I'm sure it will turn out ok. Go on some house tours - there are a few coming up - to boost your enthusiasm and see how other people decorate.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 1:22 PM
Honey-pie, you can have that coop back at the drop of a hat. By the time you read all these posts, the value of your brownstone will already have gone up and you will find a buyer for it. You might even make some money. (Just paint it a fun shade of blue, as that apparently triggers bidding wars).
Just sell it and move back to the old cubicle-with-a-view. You whiney brat!
(Just kidding, I totally hear ya. It's a huge transformation, and you should be proud of yourself for undertaking it.)
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 1:32 PM
I know what you mean. Sometimes I still find myself doing the math over and over in my head (mortgage + rental income + headaches > rent) but the equation gets better every year and nothing compares to the emotional benefits of owning. Buying and running a building by myself have given me a tremendous sense of accomplishment.
Posted by: Homeowner at June 1, 2007 2:47 PM
The differing sense of space between a co-op (typically someting that sprawls wider than 20 feet, at least somewhere) and a brownstone (lots of space, sure, but stacked) can give a newcomer a sense of constriction. It's imporant to give your body a chance to acclimate to up/down, not just side-to-side.
Don't live in your brownstone like you lived in your co-op -- they're different spatial beasts, with distinct different strengths and weaknesses. Now that you're in your townhouse, play to its strengths -- keep long vistas open, pay attention on how the immediate outside is a part of your space (stoop sitting, or a rear deck, or even looking out the windows at the planted interiors of most blocks) and try not to clutter small rooms with too much stuff (spread the stuff around). And every time you go up and down the stairs, think of it as free exercise.
--an architect in Brooklyn
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 2:58 PM
Hello all, OP here. Thank you all so much for the outpouring of support, anecdotes, ideas, etc. It feels amazing, frankly, to be part of this community. John, I've already lined up 2 projects for the weekend (weed/plant the garden, arrange our modern furniture as best as can be managed while thinking over what new pieces might work better), and listed the rental unit on Craiglist (thanks, Anon 12:53). Jimmy Legs, I'll definitely keep you in mind before the Dumpster arrives for the furniture. Thanks again, everyone.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 3:03 PM
Man is it refhreshing to have a postive thread. good advice from all.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 3:23 PM
I'm getting choked up here. Will y'all stop with the emo and get on with the ranting already? i'm turning into (to quote my favorite animated character) a Giant Pansy.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 1, 2007 3:29 PM
want to get over the lovefest? three words ...
ATLANTIC YARDS EFFECT
and OP, you can get me jimmy (at) jimmylegs.com :D
Posted by: Jimmy Legs at June 1, 2007 3:44 PM
I was relocating back to NY and houseless when I got this place, so I didn't miss my "old place" as much as I missed the peace of my former life. I bought a place which was dark, Gothic, filled with wierdness. The wierdness extended to the sellers (getting a divorce and going insane before my very eyes), a strange Fellini-like troup of characters forming a pick-up commune inhabiting the parlor floor duplex-- they were living in the cellar, the backyard in hammocks, etc. The house was a DIY hodgepodge mess of renovations which gave renovation a bad name and a general Adams family ambience. People thought I had lost my mind, but I was hell bent on buying a brownstone and I have always loved Fort Greene. So I marched into it with a string of garlic around my neck, a crucifix in one hand and a copy of the NYS tenant landlord statutes in the other. Said commune is gone (thank you Judge) and with the help of my contractor and his trusty band, I have removed the wierdness bit by bit and am replacing it with my own style, highlighting all of the cool historic things which also were part of the house and adding back things, like marble mantelpieces I bought from Eddie Hibbert (Grand and Greene) for example. Like former posters, I too won't rest until I expunge the presence of the former owner and the wierd people who lived here before. I got things out of storage (stuff from a house!) and wound up getting rid of half of it, and storing about a quarter of it. It too didn't fit with this space. So now I live in a nice duplex in my brownstone, which has very little furniture and I don't care. I want to live here for a little while to get a feeling how the space might be used and gradually I am getting a better sense of what I want to get. So I understand where you are coming from. Try to be patient and the project idea is a good one. Congratulations!!!
Posted by: donatella at June 1, 2007 5:17 PM
realtors suck, they never got my apartments rented. list an open house on craig's list next week.
Posted by: anon at June 1, 2007 9:21 PM
I am RIGHT there with you. We are renting the house from the estate until the close (it's been 5 weeks and will now be *hopefully* just a few more weeks, but I'll believe it when the close-date is sent to me in blood), so we can't touch anything. We can't even take a crow-bar to the hideous chair rails or strip off the scary flowered wallpaper borders. It feels like living in your creepy great-aunt's house. There are strange smells. Add to that the fact that I am 7 months pregnant and the single bathroom is so poorly designed that I am having trouble squeezing by the too-large counter and sink to get to the shower. Not to mention hormones making me weepy about the baby being born into this probably-lead-infested hellhole. It is downright depressing. Not a day has gone by that my husband and I haven't had to pep-talk each other through this. We feel like spoiled brats - here we are in the midst of buying a whole house of our own and all we want is to be back in our condo (a Scarano, at that!).
Making it our own will help. Remembering how infuriating it was to live with a condo board dictating helps daily. Thinking about resale value (while it makes some testy arouned here, I believe something can be a labor of love AND a short-term, high-yield investment all at the same time!) helps quite a bit. Totally throwing ourselves into searching for tile and appliances and contractors helps a lot.
Good luck to you!
Posted by: Anonymous at June 2, 2007 10:17 AM
I'm moving from my UES co-op to my South Park Slope brownstone on Tuesday. I'm alternating between thrilled and terrified, and reading this thread has made me feel much better. There's very little I *have* to do with the house, but much I *want* to do (and I've had the fireplace guys in for two weeks already getting them up to code, rebuilding the chimneys, etc.).
I agree about making the house mine (I bought my first piece of furniture, and old, wooden roll-top desk that matches the mantle in my study), but the late owner so obviously loved this house that I don't feel the need to "eradicate" her, and I'm keeping the paint scheme.
The night I closed on the house, I went there in the evening, sat in the back yard, and had a cognac and a cigar, and I felt, very powerfully, a sense of "I'm home." It doesn't mean the panic won't come back from time to time, but I'm convinced this was the right choice for me. I hope you come to feel that for yourself, too.
Posted by: Robert at June 3, 2007 8:18 PM
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