Slope Dog Run Egging On At Least One Novo Resident

The park was closed. The dog was noisy. I'm on the egg thrower's side. One wrong does justify retribution.

The park was closed. The dog was noisy. I'm on the egg thrower's side. One wrong does justify retribution.

You know what - I'm going to change my mind, because I don't know whether the dog was really being loud or not, b/c I wasn't there. Yapping dogs can piss me off but on the other hand there are people out there who go PSYCHO over dogs barking in the distance. Mostly women, in my experience. I've dated like 2 or 3 women who would get totally irrational over barking dogs and demand that I confront the neighbors or call the police or whatever and get all up in my face when I told them they were being over sensitive and should just deal with it.

Low powered bb guns can do the trick too. Gotta have good aim so you don't make anyone go blind, but a good sting in the ass for the dog's owner would have cleared him out pretty quick.

"Have you dated a lot of men, lechacal?"

None, I'm straight. But my interactions with humans actually go beyond people I have dated.

"I'd like for you to explain the scientific value of your observations about gender."

100% of the people I have met who have gotten totally irrationally worked up about dogs barking when it honest to God just wasn't that loud and the people could have just closed the goddamn window or moved to another room have been women.

*yawn*

No one seems to want to get worked up about my offensive posts. Am I not being offensive enough? Please advise. Maybe I should just go do some work.

The Novo sucks and is ugly and was completely overpriced and pretty much everyone who lives there is underwater now. And they probably have ARMs and can't move because they are underwater and will just get squeezed when interest rates start going up in about 6 mos. Not like I didn't warn them, of course, but no one listened to me.

"How do you think it feels to have a set of balls and never be able to get "laid"??? I cant say for sure - but based on my experiences for a few days/weeks - its f'ing hell....makes you want to rub up against anything, makes you aggressive and irritable, makes you want to run away and f anything that moves"

I'm confused. I get laid all the time and I still feel like that.

"My ex-bf used to go crazy about dogs barking when I hadn't even noticed there were any. In my experience it's guys who get more rabid about it."

Noitisn't noitisn't noitisn't nanny nanny poo poo (covering ears) I can't hear you

"Think about the torture an intact dog at the Novo feels. At home 85% of the day with nothing to think about but the never ending frustration of not being able to get 'release',"

OK, wait, serious question. I haven't had a dog since I was a kid and don't know the answer. Can dogs get themselves off? I don't mean just lick the lipstick, I mean get release. Is the only way a dog gets release by sexing another dog?

"dogs with balls pleasure themselves if they cant get laid. i cant tell you how many times i came home only to find that my pillows were completely violated!"

Awesome. Thanks for answering my question Rob!

"yes. like i stated earlier. my pillows became my dog's b-tch! and yes, jizz everywhere. gross."

That is SUPER gross. Did you ever try to go to sleep and like roll over in in accidentially or did you always see it first?

OK, my other blog is back up and running. See you all later!

I seriously don't understand urban dog owners. Not saying they shouldn't own dogs, just saying I don't get it. When I was a kid out in the boonies the rules were kind of like this:

1. Dogs are animals. Animals live outside. Dogs don't ever come in the house, ever. Houses are for people.

2. On cold windy winter days they can curl up in a doghouse with some blankets. And of course because you don't pamper them they will actually have a real coat of winter fur, like animals should.

3. If you have kids and a dog becomes a danger to any of the kids, you take it (the dog) out behind the barn and shoot it and bury it.

4. If a dog is suffering at the end of its life, you take it out behind the barn, make it really comfortable and as happy as you possibly can, and shoot it and bury it.

5. It's fine to let your dog run around all day outside without being tied up as long as you have enough woods around you so the dog has its own territory or whatever. The dog knows where to go and where not to go, and which neighbor dogs he can play with.

6. The worst thing in the world is when your dog finds a rotting carcass in the woods, because he will roll around in it and smell awful for days. Second worst thing is skunk. Harder to get the smell out but it doesn't make you want to vomit instantly like carrion.

"There are dogs breeds that have been developed and domesticated (by breeders) to live indoors. Some of these breeds have been around for hundreds of years. It's OK for some dogs to live outside, but certainly not all. So, your life-affirming experience in the boonies notwithstanding, one size does not fit all."

OK ENY, then maybe I should add:

7. Never buy a dog that can't spend the winter outside, or for that matter any dog that would be referred to by the guys down at the lunch counter as a "kick dog" (this was the term used to refer to little dogs that one could presumably kick a good distance if they got in your way, although this was mostly macho affirmation and I never saw anyone do anything like this).

Oh yeah, and:

8. Dogs are very useful animals. They keep bad people away from your house, and they are good companions. And they teach valuable lessons to kids about responsibility etc etc. But if a dog proves itself incapable of performing any of these functions and you can't find someone who wants to take it from you, you know where the barn is.

Yeah whatever fsrg. Just halfheartedly trying to get a rise out of people. Not working I guess. *yawn*

Dont worry, I don't own a dog. Haven't had one since I was a kid. I had a white mutt of sorts named Buck, and he got hit by a car (my mom's car). At some point I had a brown mutt named Pat (completely serious), and not really sure what happened to him. Then my parents got all fancy and bought me a Golden Retriever, whom I named Shasta. He ended up getting cancer or something and was taken out behind the barn. After that I was going off to college and couldn't have a dog.

So my first Pet's name was Buck and I grew up on a road wth a name that starts with the word "Harlo", so I guess that means my porn star name is Buck Harlo.

We had a cat, which I think got to stay inside. Once I spraypainted the cat, which no one else thought was anywhere near as funny as I did. I got in a wicked lot of trouble for that, although I bet you anything my dad was trying not to laugh his ass off the whole time. Another time I shaved the cat's tail. Or tried to. Memory kind of fuzzy but I'm pretty sure I got most of the hair off.

I was a trouble maker. Can you believe that? No I'm being completely serious. This one time I told my kid sister, who must have been 5 or so at the time, that if she drank dirty dishwater she would be able to fly off the top of a stepladder, which was like a really cruel double joke. Once she drank the stuff she was totally invested and had to try to fly. I got in a lot of fights at school. I know, I know, super hard to believe, but it's true.

Biff, you know what's funny is apparently Shasta is starting to pop up as a kids' name among the "I couldn't possibly name my child something ordinary or non-artistic" parent set, and in my mind it will always just be a dog's name.

Snark, that was pretty funny.

People between the heights of 5'2" and 5'10" are stupid and piss me off. They're boring average height people. If you're going to be a height, it should be either tall or short. I can't believe anyone would choose to be in the middle.

That's right Pete. They could go to height re-adjustment seminars. Anyone who chooses not to is choosing to go against the natural order of things.

"lechacal, sir, I'm sorry I pissed you off. I have a call in to my doctor to see about adding 4"."

HA!! That makes two of us!!! haha

Janko, I just took a look at your posting history. You seem to have the insight and spelling skills of a bag of soggy dicks.

"lechame you must be his boyfriend."

Why do I always get in arguments with people who just box me in and go for the kill like that? I'm no match for this.

"Biff Chumpion go play with your starwar figures."

Biff you just got PWNED. I mean completely SERVED. Cleanup in aisle 3!!!

I'm obviously going to have the relinquish the Brownstoner "Best Debater" crown to janko. Never before today have I seen this kind of wit. This is a raw talent, the kind that you can only wish the best on her way to the top. At first I didn't get it, but then I got out a pad and paper and worked my way through it, and suddenly it hit me:

Champion --> "Chumpion"

You might not see it at first, but look closer. Do you see how she changed the third letter so now it says "Chump"? Biff, she called you a Chump, to your face, by rearranging the letters of your name!! If you still don't get it just think about it for a while. I bet it took her no more than a few seconds to think of this, and guys like you and I and Legion are left scratching our heads. I mean we're just a doctor and a lawyer and an investment banker - why she must be head of rocket science for NASA!

"I think janko already got quite a bit of egg on his face."

Those aren't raw egg whites, Biff. Ask DIBS what they are, he'll tell you.

Quick PSA for Biff: Back online over there. SUPER FAST. Completely revamped and juiced. Looking good. Gotta re-register though.

OK now that we're done with Bukkake all over jenko, I can move back to my regular blog home. Biff see you over there.

[paging DIBS over there: sorry to everyone else for doing a cross-blog post, we had a systems outage]