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August 13, 2009
Sex and the Other City
The first rule of television seems to be: if something works once, do it again. Sarah Jessica Parker's production company has reportedly optioned the novel Prospect Park West to turn into a TV show. The book, by former sex columnist Amy Sohn, who also wrote the companion book for HBO's Sex and the City, chronicles the lives, urges, and dissatisfactions of four Park Slope mothers. Here's how The Post summed it up this morning: "The book creates a scathing portrait of Park Slope's mommy brigade -- of which Sohn is a breast-feeding member -- as a parade of unsatisfied thirty- and forty-something moms sizing up their plights relative to all the other stroller-pushers at the playground. Few are having sex -- at least not with their spouses." It's definitely the Sex and the City formula, but who knows if it will take off? Gawker asks the more important question: will it ruin Park Slope? There is already a festoon of strollers; will Berkeley Place now be clogged with red double-decker buses?
Sarah Jessica Parker's Sex & the Stroller Set Show [Gawker]
Treading on a Slippery Slope [NY Post]
Is Prospect Park West the New SATC? [BuzzSugar]
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Comments
"a parade of unsatisfied thirty- and forty-something moms"
I don't really understand "unsatisfied." This is NYC, just go out and get it.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 9:09 AM
I like Amy Sohn's books. She sure does some sexy writing. I believe she'll be at Sunday at Sunny's in Red Hook in November.
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 9:11 AM
denton, did you see Madoff had an affair with the 60 year old woman who was CFO for Hadassah??? And then lost all her money. She has just published a book.
I suspect this is going to be a best-seller.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 9:14 AM
quote:
chronicles the lives, urges, and dissatisfactions of four Park Slope mothers.
no offense to anyone, and i f'ing LOVE park slope, seriously, best place ive ever lived, but the men (fathers) of park slope are SO beyond femme it's not even funny. they seem so whipped. especially when they are carrying all the groceries and pushing the strollers (and i see this A LOT) while the wannabe hip wife strolls along carrying nothing. sad really.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:22 AM
ha, didn't see that one yet DIBS. Maybe have to get that one. But ya know, he didn't lose her money, he stole it! That's wrong, sleep with her and take all her money too. Damn.
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 9:23 AM
dave PLEASE stop polluting threads with all your Madoff talk, ive seen you do it a lot lately. otherwise i will be forced to bring up worms in every thread!
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:25 AM
denton, I've had someone sleep with me and then take all my money!!! :(
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 9:26 AM
Denton, is that a joke?
I read two pages on Gawker and went on a three-hour long rant. Okay, perhaps that says more about me than Ms. Sohn, but what I read was seriously, seriously offensive. Not funny. Not sexy. And also terrible.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 9:26 AM
ummm - Rob
that's called being a gentleman!
my husband carries the grocery bags up the stairs. It would be another thing if let's say he carried my purse
hahahah!
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 9:28 AM
OK, *Robert on Fridays*
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 9:28 AM
no i understand about being a gentleman, duh squared. but it seems to me, a casual observer, that most park slope mommies EXPECT the dad to push the strollers. either the dad or the haitian nannies.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:30 AM
Sounds more like Desperate Housewives than Sex in the City.
Posted by: rf at August 13, 2009 9:30 AM
Here goes the neighborhood, Rob. Next will be strolleristas from Ohio and Texas on walking tours, complete with urban warfare strollers and heavy/spiky bags on the sides. All your efforts to degentrify are now doomed.
Posted by: Maly at August 13, 2009 9:32 AM
Oh, god, isnj't everyone tired of the park slope mommy crap yet? Visit any other wealthy neighborhood across the country, and it's just the same. Why is it so interesting to everybody?
Posted by: new2hood at August 13, 2009 9:34 AM
Roberto - ok gotcha. I'll be more on the lookout
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 9:36 AM
Dear god. I agreed with something Rob said.
Although my favorite Slope dad archetype is the "I'm too cool for school" Dad. Wouldn't discipline their kid if their live depended on it.
Posted by: Johnny at August 13, 2009 9:37 AM
quote:
All your efforts to degentrify are now doomed.
oh no chile, i have many more tricks to degentrification up my sleeve, dont you worry.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:37 AM
nothing like getting some head in the bathroom at Union Bar from a park slope MILF
Posted by: brickoven at August 13, 2009 9:37 AM
LOL my friend kristy just responded to my email about this thread...
Jesus, is everyone “unsatisfied”? Even someone who lives on prospect park west and has little babes?! That sounds dreamy to me. UGH
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:37 AM
Johnny - agreed!!!!
I do feel many nowaday parents are afraid to just friggin discipline their kid!!!
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 9:40 AM
"nothing like getting some head in the bathroom at Union Bar from a park slope MILF"
Is this true?
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 9:40 AM
Rob I agree there are a lot of weak-ass PS Dads BUT lets be honest 85% of the PS Moms are horrible -> badly dressed, badly coifed, average looking combined with what appears to be extra effort to look asexual. Essentially the opposite of glamorous.
Any accurate portrayal of true PS Moms (especially of the Coop variety) will be a real snoozer.
That being said, as a PS Dad - I may push the occasional stroller, but I'll also out drink you, likely kick your ass, and certainly be willing to show your wife or GF the benefits of putting on the occassional high heal and/or showing a little thigh.
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 9:44 AM
oddly, discipline is the one thing i have no issues with. i dont think adults have the right to tell their kids what to do anyway. i was never disciplined and i turned out a-okay!
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:46 AM
Gem and Johny;
I live in PS, and this is one of the most amazing things to me. I was raised by an old-school dad, such that all he had to do was cut me a certain look and I knew he meant business.
I watch in amazement sometimes as a parent will "negotiate" with their 3-year old for for 15 minutes.
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 9:46 AM
brickoven - there is no way you would know - since there are few PS Milfs (at least if you have any standards) and FOR SURE they arent at Union Hall - which for a cool bar (as in RE and ambiance) is filled with the most unattractive, asexual looking women outside of a lesbian bar.
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 9:48 AM
quote:
"nothing like getting some head in the bathroom at Union Bar from a park slope MILF"
Is this true?
-- i dont think i'd want it if i was straight. ive noticed most park slope women have no lips!!! you know what i mean, like literally no lips. just little pursey slits of a mouth. creeeeepy
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:49 AM
Gay men get/give bathroom head all the time.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 9:49 AM
benson, even worse, the ones who allow their children to swear at them.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 9:51 AM
Rob: you know what I am talking about! I think there is this new parental mentality that I see frequently in PS where the parents allow the child to run around and scream their heads off and generally bump into people in a restaurant/cafe or on the street. The child is usually doing this as the parent is talking to another parent, mindlessly chatting on their cellphone or as Benson said above - trying to negotiate with the other kid
Am too old school for that crap. Am not into hitting either, but there's a way you can be sorta stern and scary in moments that you want your kid to chill the Eff out!
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 9:51 AM
quote:
but I'll also out drink you,
LOL is this a challenge?
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:51 AM
FSRG;
Amen to that brother. My wife and I like to get dressed up on most Saturday evenings and hit the town. This also has something to do with my working-class background, in that my folks felt that they had worked hard allw eek, and that a night out was a way out of the weekly drudgery.
Anyway, when I step out of the door of my PS condo, my neighbors look at my wife and me as if we're the Madoff's.
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 9:52 AM
Rob - Maybe it's not their wives, maybe it's arm candy while the wives are at work.
Posted by: Arkady at August 13, 2009 9:53 AM
quote:
is filled with the most unattractive, asexual looking women outside of a lesbian bar.
actually i sorta think that is a little off base. i definitely see many many many attractive moms in park slope.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:53 AM
My kids are like terrorists. I will not negotiate with them.
With the admonition that the only milf that interests me is Mrs. Jackal (and she's hot), I agree that Park Slope is an aesthetic wasteland when it comes to females (can't speak for males, and I know I'm no looker so I'm writing this from a glass house). Every time I go to midtown it strikes me how much more interested the women are in just looking sexy. For themselves, for their friends, for men, for women, whatever - but it seems to actually be a goal when they wake up in the morning. Park Slopers tend to be pretty frumpy and mannish.
Posted by: lechacal at August 13, 2009 9:53 AM
quote:
Rob - Maybe it's not their wives, maybe it's arm candy while the wives are at work
LOL perhaps. on days i take a sick day or have off and walk around the neighborhood im SHOCKED at all the grown men walking around pushing strollers and sitting in the coffee shops on their macs. very twilight zone.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:55 AM
That settles it. It was a DILF in the bathroom. Since they are very femme (rob) and the mothers are butch and ugly (fsrg), Dave is probably correct. BO, you shouldn't drink so much beer.
Posted by: Maly at August 13, 2009 9:56 AM
WOW - I think my husband would agree with you guys.
I often feel outta place when walking around in PS
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 9:57 AM
weird lechecal, i really dont see that. yes of course women in manhattan are infinitely hotter and more put together in general, but i dont think park slope is full of only frumpy women. it's definitely on the attractive side for brooklyn. you wanna see frumpy and unattractive tho, see Tribeca. even more twilight zone-ish
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 9:58 AM
Dave bathroom sex might be the best thing gay people have given to the world and I mean that in the best way :)
Posted by: brickoven at August 13, 2009 10:00 AM
ok first off let's get something straight
of course women in midtown will be all dolled up going to WORK! - but when you are at home on a Saturday running to the bank,drycleaner,bagel shop - this same woman is probably in jeans and a tshirt
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 10:01 AM
Rob - the comment you quoted was about Union Hall - BUT
if you see "many, many, many" attractive moms in PS then you have very wide standards, are extremely desperate, or have vision problems - or some combination thereof - and PLEASE do not go to Tribeca/Soho or even Cobble Hill Park and look at the moms there for I fear that your head might explode.
While there are exceptions the profile of the typical PS Mom seems to be - Average looking 40 yr old women, with a thinish but otherwise frumpy body, wearing unattractive/unflattering clothes, unfeminine hair style and horribly unsexy shoes (and possibly similar glasses) - all with an all-too serious look on her face.....
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 10:02 AM
Rob, where do you work again? Neighborhood is very important in this respect.
Posted by: lechacal at August 13, 2009 10:02 AM
Well, like Sex in the City, when it comes out on screen, that will be something else I have no interest in watching. There's less and less reason to turn the tube on these days. Thank goodness for Law and Order reruns.
Posted by: Montrose Morris at August 13, 2009 10:04 AM
I think you come up with your stereotypes of people you don't like in PS or elsewhere. Then look for anyone with some beheavior or dress to fit the stereotype - and ignore that 90% of others don't.
Posted by: Petebklyn at August 13, 2009 10:04 AM
G10-
There are many ways to wear "jeans and a t-shirt" and while i am a straight man and cannot tell you what is being done - the women in Manhattan (large %) wear their Jeans and T-shirt in an ENTIRELY different way than your typical PS mom.
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 10:05 AM
Gemini;
You're right about Saturday morning. However, back to my previous post: do you really see many couples ever getting dressed up to go out for an evening in PS? I don't, by and large.
I also feel out of place in PS. My wife likes it - I'm "meh".
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 10:08 AM
quote:
and PLEASE do not go to Tribeca/Soho or even Cobble Hill Park and look at the moms there for I fear that your head might explode
i work in soho, and ive worked in a gallery in tribeca before so i do get that.
i just dont agree with you that in general park slope women are ugly. annoying, snotty, entitled, rude perhaps, but not ugly.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 10:09 AM
While sitting on PPW for 45 minutes on Tuesday - I saw some good looking ladies walk by with strollers
Frumpy yes, but frumpy in a way they try to make hot chicks look ugly in those teen movies - just with bad hair, glasses and clothes, the potential is there.
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 10:10 AM
Whether looking sexy for others is an appropriate goal is obviously a legitimate question. We could burn hundreds of posts trying to analyze the politics of whether men should expect women to dress sexy and whether women should do so. I was just making an objective observation about the outcome. Women in Park Slope generally remind me of the kinds of bony liberal white girls you meet at Mount Holyoke/Smith/Welleseley/etc.
Posted by: lechacal at August 13, 2009 10:10 AM
There're days on which the GAP (great American public) looks pretty good & others when all I see is uglies. I think a lot depends on my own frame of mind.
Posted by: Arkady at August 13, 2009 10:11 AM
FSRG
well as a woman with good style I think for the most part the type of woman that lives in BK is different than the type that lives in Manhattan. I do feel there are more "natural" types that live in PS hence why you might see more women running around in baggy jeans & oversize T's - but I wouldn't assume they aren't "sexy".
perhaps they don't feel the need to go showing off the goods to men on the street.
I go to the gym in leggings and my husband's Tshirt b/c frankly I don't want all the men to see what I have and get approached, that doesn't make me frumpy.
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 10:11 AM
Pete - while your point has some general validity - Eyecandy/Women are serious business to most men(that I know) and we arent going to let stereotypes or bias effect our view of any reasonably attractive women (and btw my definition of reasonably attractive grows each day I age)
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 10:11 AM
Whoooah there. No one was talking about ugly. The raw material is fine. It's all about how you wrap it up and present it to the public. I don't think slopers are ugly.
Posted by: lechacal at August 13, 2009 10:12 AM
quote:
Women in Park Slope generally remind me of the kinds of bony liberal white girls you meet at Mount Holyoke/Smith/Welleseley/etc.
okay, ill give you that. very astute observation. in general tho i feel like people seem a lot more chill in general than what im used to, and i sort of like that. sometimes youll see someone pushing a stroller and youll be like oh they SO just smoked a joint.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 10:13 AM
Rob didnt say "ugly" - I said average - and then made-up in the most asexual manner imaginable. I agree with dirty-hipster there is (some) potential there [I am sure a decent number of them after a couple of risque text msgs and an afternoon at Le Blue, would put it together enough to enter the arena of "attractive"] BUT
the idea that the typical PS mom can somehow be realistically the subject of a SITC type TV show is insane!
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 10:16 AM
Rob, before you criticize men with strollers, try walking a mile in their Crocs...
Posted by: IMBY at August 13, 2009 10:17 AM
Lech - true!! hahahaha!
Benson - agreed I think for the most part people who live in Park Slope are just not the kinda of people to get dressed up, slap on some cologne/perfume and go to Union Hall.
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 10:18 AM
quote:
the idea that the typical PS mom can somehow be realistically the subject of a SITC type TV show is insane!
i thought 3 out of the 4 sex in the city women are BUSTED.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 10:19 AM
G10 - ".... b/c frankly I don't want all the men to see what I have and get approached, that doesn't make me frumpy."
Sorry - kinda,sorta does : )
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 10:19 AM
what about the old timers who live in the vinyl siding district of park slope? you know what im talking about. moles with hairs coming out of them all over their faces and stuff. so i doubt it was ever an attractive place.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 10:20 AM
Rob - "i thought 3 out of the 4 sex in the city women are BUSTED."
well based on your love for the PS Moms - I assume the one you think is good is the red-headed lesbian.
Rob - come on - I agree that for TV/Movies they push those SITC chicks a little too hard as 'hot' - but in real life you'd be happy to f any of them and we all know it.
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 10:24 AM
What do their clothes and hair matter? I thought you were supposed to imagine all women naked anyways
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 10:24 AM
I don't see much talent among the guys in the Slope, either. As w/ female old timers, the men have big bellies & gross ear hair. The young ones are dressed as if they got their wardrobe out of the dirty laundry basket. The ones in suits are usually polyester.
When I see a well-put-together woman in heels in the Slope I just reckon she's a real estate agent.
Posted by: Arkady at August 13, 2009 10:27 AM
Yes, dh. The same way I ewnvision many men. In fact I was doing it on the A train this morning with a hot looking Indian guy and then with a latino after I transferred to the E. The subway is the best place for eye candy and "undressing."
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 10:27 AM
Fsrg - haha - well my husband doesn't want me to show off the goods at the gym, so i won't wear skimpy tee's etc. However when we go out, I want him to feel proud he has some good eye candy on his arm so I get dressed for him and that is what really matters
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 10:28 AM
Arkady, whenever a young white person gets on the train in Brooklyn, they are almost ALWAYS poorly dressed...both male and female.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 10:29 AM
quote:
but in real life you'd be happy to f any of them and we all know it.
lol. okay
(the only one i thought who wasnt busted was the mousy looking one who was on Melrose Place. i have no clue what her name is)
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 10:30 AM
Arkady - TOTALLY true!
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 10:31 AM
quote:
Yes, dh. The same way I ewnvision many men. In fact I was doing it on the A train this morning with a hot looking Indian guy and then with a latino after I transferred to the E. The subway is the best place for eye candy and "undressing."
:-/ why do i get the feeling Dave is a subway rubber.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 10:32 AM
You all give me pause on this one. I think the bottom line is that everyone's standard of beauty is quite different. For me, when I walk down the street, I don't even 'see' the women under a size 12 (I like big butts and I cannot lie!), glaze over those dressed to the hilt (screams high maintenance to me), etc. For every woman on the street, there is a man and or woman out there who will find her to be a hottie. If not, very few people would be getting laid without the assistance of adult beverages.
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 10:38 AM
"If not, very few people would be getting laid without the assistance of adult beverages."
?????? - that is how most people get laid
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 10:47 AM
Soooo true Snappy. There's always someone out there with a "fetish" or just an eye for all sorts of looks. I tend to like "mouth breathers" and crosseyed guys. Why??? I have no idea. There is one other facial "deformity" I once saw on an Asian bodybuilder and I think I became seriously obsessed.
Thankfully now there are websites for virtually any kind of fetish.. You'd be amazed at some of them.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 10:47 AM
Dear God, amid all this dumb locker-room banter, have any of you actually read the excerpt of this inane book on Gawker? It may be one of the worst books ever written: shallow, inane, excruciatingly dull. Is all "chick-lit" this atrocious? (I have no point of comparision, because I do not read books with designer shoes or shopping bags on their covers.) And from just two pages, it reeks as deeply offensive--not merely to the mothers, nannies, and Brooklynites that it crudely attempts to caricature, but to anyone with a mind or heart. As one commenter put it, this is the sort of book one opens, quickly shuts, and backs away from like an unexploded bomb.
Our borough brims with literary talent, discovered and undiscovered. I suggest everyone show up at the Brooklyn Book Festival (Sept. 13, Boro Hall) and look for some.
Suggestion: Let's have a "Dark and Stormy Night" contest for *other* Brooklyn neighborhoods. Inspired by the literary droppings of Ms. Sohn, who can pen the most agonizingly bad prose about Crown Heights, Flatbush, Fort Greene, or Sheepshead Bay? Who can make Borough Park or Bensonhurst into a string of cliches and caricatures? They must be worthy of H.L. Mencken's description of the writing of Warren Harding:
"It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it."
Posted by: Brenda from Flatbush at August 13, 2009 10:47 AM
omfg
Posted by: Ringo at August 13, 2009 10:48 AM
Brenda I absolutely love that H.L. Mencken quote.
Posted by: lechacal at August 13, 2009 10:52 AM
quote:
I tend to like "mouth breathers" and crosseyed guys.
LOL wtf?
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 10:54 AM
fsrq - so right on. since living for a couple of years in WB, i am sometimes shocked at how down right fugly the women are in PS. saw a 30 something woman with visibly grey, brillo like hair wearing boot cut (ouch!) jeans and some sort of suede clog with her kid at lulu's. i lived in PS and PH for years, so was probably used to the frumpy factor which now frightens me. the women are like people in rural suburban towns. they are anti-urban, anti-city. guess this is why the food co-op thrives.
Posted by: wine lover at August 13, 2009 10:59 AM
" it reeks as deeply offensive--not merely to the mothers, nannies, and Brooklynites that it crudely attempts to caricature, but to anyone with a mind or heart. "
---isnt this what happens all the time on Brownstoner and is happening here on Brownstoner comments ?
whether talking about people of PS, Williamsburg, BEdStuy, etc.
Posted by: Petebklyn at August 13, 2009 11:00 AM
"after a couple of risque text msgs.....would put it together enough to enter ther arena of "attractive"
How about a couple of risque posts on Brownstoner.com? or Parkslopeparents.com?
Posted by: Expert Textpert at August 13, 2009 11:01 AM
I thought the two pages on Gawker were thisclose to misogynistic drivel and basically out of touch with attitudes today, and then I read these comments and wonder if Amy Sohn isn't the most enlightened person in Brooklyn today. What is with you people?
I am worried that Amy is crying in her coffee this morning when she realizes it says SHAM in the book and not SAHM. WHere is a copy editor when you need one? That's a crucial acronym in a book like this. THE crucial acronym I'd think.
Posted by: Ringo at August 13, 2009 11:03 AM
If any of you went in thinking this book was a serious literary effort, you get what you deserve. I'm sure it ranks right up there with the Collective Works of Jackie Collins.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 11:04 AM
Wassup with typing women by neighborhood? If a woman is intelligent, has character, and is in reasonably good shape, then she looks good to me. Plenty of them in the Slope and elsewhere. Frankly, high-maintenance women with a closet full designer shoes turn me off (and I suppose the feeling is mutual).
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 11:22 AM
Heather, I didn't read the Gawker extract until now, admittedly it does look pretty bad. But 'My Old Man' was sexy and funny, imho of course. Not Saramago or Coetzee by any means, but I dug it.
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 11:26 AM
"well as a woman with good style I think for the most part the type of woman that lives in BK is different than the type that lives in Manhattan. I do feel there are more "natural" types that live in PS...."
Agreed! Keep in mind that in the early days of gentrification in Park Slope, lesbians were at the forefront, along with the latter day hippie types who started the Co-op. Even today's lawyers and high-end media folks in the Slope tend to be people who dress down when they're at home. Most wouldn't live in the Slope if they didn't appreciate the underlying lesbian/hippie aesthetic and find it relaxing and comfortable. Personally, I love living in a neighborhood where you can go to a gourmet restaurant in jeans and not feel out of place. (Having said that, I do tend to wear my jeans-and-T-shirt outfits in more a MILF way than a dowdy LL Bean way. Just sayin'....)
As for the book, I can't tell if it's meant as social satire, or as withering critique of the kind this blog is famous for when discussing Park Slope and what it's come to represent, or whether the author truly identifies with the narrator and agrees with the sentiments she expresses. In either case, it has certainly tapped into the prevailing zeitgeist and will get lots of attention, at least locally. Whether a national TV series will get much following is another matter, though given the popularity of Real Housewives of NYC, I suspect it may.
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 11:49 AM
Brenda, you are brilliant!
I went back and read the two pages, I agree with those who wonder who signed this woman up for a book contract. Talk about superficial, trivial, made up nonsense that's not even well written. Park Slope will survive this, it's survived worse.
Posted by: Montrose Morris at August 13, 2009 11:54 AM
(I like big butts and I cannot lie!)
That's about all I have to contribute to this compelling discussion. Please continue.
Posted by: East New York at August 13, 2009 12:01 PM
PS moms are not ugly. But it's true they don't try hard to look coiffed, stylish or fashionable. I've always thought it was connected to the mom guilt thing. Of course some women don't spend money and time on themselves because they truly feel guilty about it as it's in short supply in their house, and some do it so they appear to be self-sacrificing. Park Slope is a highly competitive parenting environment. There it's about trying to appear a better mommy by never wearing makeup. It's more calculated. Because they certainly have nannies and do make time for weekly if not biweekly yoga classes. There's also the crunchy granola culture factor of PS to blame. The question is how does SJP who loves fashion manage to portray the true culture of PS in this PPW series? Because if her characters are super fashionable wearing sky-high heels it won't be accurate in the slightest!
Posted by: traditionalmod at August 13, 2009 12:07 PM
> That being said, as a PS Dad...
I don't know why, but I always imagine that fsrg was female.
Guess those Sloper dads are indeed femmy after all.
Though I fondly remember many PS DILFs.
Posted by: DitmasSnark at August 13, 2009 12:10 PM
As a Park Slope mom myself, I really don't understand all the hype about the highly competitive parenting environment, and the stay-at-home versus working-mom stuff, and all that. Raising my child in the neighborhood, we just lived our lives. I mean, honestly, who cares what other families are doing?
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 12:12 PM
Park Sloper, I thought you were a man. Neither here nor there but sorry.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 12:14 PM
Are any of you actual mothers? As in, raising/remember raising a child? Most of the hot chicks you see in Manhattan are not mothers. Most of the mommies you see in Park Slope are raising children. And if they don't work, they likely don't have nannies. And if they do work, they are very busy during their off-hours from work-outside-the-home.
My hot chick days have been over for decades, but guys, I think you are being unrealistic.
That is not to say that I don't have (ahem) issues with the parenting techniques displayed. But having fulfilled their darwinian/god-given obligation to propagate the species, they care a lot less about looking hot and a lot more about raising said species, however poor their technique may be.
Posted by: rf at August 13, 2009 12:16 PM
So would it be fair to say that cats make better mothers to their kittens than PS moms do to their kids??
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 12:18 PM
i dont know about that dave. in general i find most cats to not really be good mothers at all. dogs on the hand are very nurturing and loving to their young. it seems like cats just poop out a litter and run off with the next baby daddy cat they can find!
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 12:25 PM
DIBS: no problem! There seems to be a lot of gender confusion on this blog.... And no, your cat remark would *not* be fair to say.
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 12:25 PM
Speaking of gender confusion, where's randi been lately???
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 12:33 PM
rf - the women I am talking about in Manhattan, Cobble Hill etc, might not be moms - but then I do have to wonder why they are pushing a stroller, sitting in a kids playground, or picking up kids at the local school? I dont know about the rest of the guys here but I am not being unrealistic - its one thing to be comfortable, or practical when you are spending the majority of your day taking care of kids - its another to be...well - schlubby and sorry but thats how the majority of PS moms look - and since I am in no way femmy (ditmassnark)and in fact WANT to see someone that can keep my overeager libido active, I really do not think I am judging this too harshly.
That being said - women are free to dress and carry themselves however they want - but I have to call B.S. on any attempt to call cthe current PS community hot or glamorous.
BTW - Ditmassnark what have I ever posted or said that was "femmy" - unless some how being Pro-AY is somehow feminine in your mind.
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 12:42 PM
quote:
its another to be...well - schlubby and sorry but thats how the majority of PS moms look -
lol if you think park slope moms are schlubby you should check out harlem. in all my time living there i never saw a mother under 300 pounds!
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 12:46 PM
> Ditmassnark what have I ever posted or said that was "femmy"
Nothing at all. I just - obviously erroneously - assumed you were female.
Posted by: DitmasSnark at August 13, 2009 12:53 PM
Thanks for saying that, rf. Because yeah, exactly. The lot of you were actually starting to sound a great deal like Amy Sohn in this discussion of how hot Park Slope mothers are -- which is admittedly more pathetic in her case than yours... but, still. I may be the first person to critique a bad shoe, handbag, or boring ensemble, (not to mention a cookie-cutter mid-century living room) but at the end of the day, I really don't care what people look like. I'm not trying to sleep with them, even in my imagination. And personally, Helena Bonham Carter is my stylistic role model. If someone doesn't like that? Not my problem.
Back to the topic at hand... I think Brenda's idea is most excellent so I thought I would have a go at it, being as my darling moppet is at school and my darling husband is doing document review, and the casserole I haven't bothered to make for dinner's ingredients are still safely ensconced at the grocery store, and, since the house is already untidy, there's nothing more for me to do?
"Most people go to Underwood playground," Kai said, nervously glancing around and lowering her voice slightly. "Did you know there was a shooting here across the street last year?"
"No, I didn't," I said, glancing in the direction of the aforementioned corner. "But my daughter knows everyone at this playground."
There was an awkward silence as we pushed our tots back and forth in their swings, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. The girls shrieked their enthusiasm, and I wondered if two o'clock on a Tuesday was too early to have a glass of wine.
"It gets really busy here, later in the afternoons," Kai ventured finally.
I still wasn't sure entirely if she meant what I thought she meant or not, so I just shrugged. "Yeah."
Fin.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 12:57 PM
"Schlubby" PS Moms are hot compared to Middle America Moms.
Posted by: Expert Textpert at August 13, 2009 1:00 PM
Heather:
That passage is brilliant! - what literary charms Amy has?
wow -so what are we to take from this?
A. Shootings happen all the time in Park Slope
B. Park Slope Moms usually bring up shootings in casual convo with other moms because inevitably one of those moms probably knows the shooter
C. Park Slope Moms have to wear crocs and oversize pants to push their kiddies in swings..back and forth...back and forth...back and forth
D. It's 5pm (cocktail time) somewhere in the world
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 1:06 PM
If PS moms start drinking at 5:00, I think my opinion of them has become more positive.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 1:11 PM
Well, it was Fort Greene -- or, technically Clinton Hill. See? I was showing you how the other half lives. By which I mean, the other half that wants to be diverse, but you know, not THAT diverse.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 1:12 PM
Actually, isn't Underwood playground in Clinton Hill? So the stereotype is that shootings happen in Clinton Hill, not in Park Slope.
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 1:14 PM
quote:
Schlubby" PS Moms are hot compared to Middle America Moms.
dont be stupid, most of them are FROM middle america to begin with der!
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 1:17 PM
lol heather's post went right over your head park sloper hahah
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 1:19 PM
Rob - your 1:17pm post is oh so true!
hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 1:22 PM
Geez, another thread trashing PS and going to town on the stereotypes. As a PS mom, I can say that most PS moms I know are just trying to live their lives and get through their days as best they can. Raising kids in this city is a challenge so frankly, I don't have a lot of time to worry about how hot I am. That said, I (and many other PS moms I know), do care about our appearance and contrary to the popular stereotypes, pay attention to grooming, and yes, do manage to be downright chic at times (though when hanging out with my kids, I must confess, I am mainly going to wear comfortable stuff that evidently may not be deemed "hot" by folks on this thread - though at work, I do dress differently). And this whole competition thing is silly too. Maybe there are some people who feel that way about parenting, but I imagine they would feel that way in any environment. It's their problem, not the neighborhood. These discussions always feel like a artificial excuse to drive traffic/sales/interest, like a silly tabloid headline.
Posted by: Miss Muffett at August 13, 2009 1:22 PM
MM, 90% of these comments on PS moms are just snark.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 1:27 PM
oh muffy, unbunch your fruit of the looms. are you seriously taking the comments in this thread to heart?
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 1:28 PM
"Oh, yeah, my husband's one of the lucky ones. He escaped the layoffs," Deborah said, as she gazed at the view of Lower Manhattan across the East River. "In fact, he's up for another bonus soon. Thank god the Obamaniacs haven't found a way to ban them, right?"
"That's for sure," Lisa responded, as she gently pushed the stroller back and forth to keep Aidan from waking. "So are you still renting that house in France in August?"
"No," said Deborah. "We didn't want to be too ostentatious this year, so we're just planning on laying low in Quoque instead of taking any big trips."
A passing jogger on the Promenade attracted Lisa's attention. "Hey," she said quietly. "Isn't that Laura's husband? The one who used to work for Lehman?"
Deborah turned her head and watched him run past, letting her gaze linger on his shapely ass as he ran up toward the bridge. "Yeah, I think so. I hear he still hasn't managed to land another job. He's, you know, 'consulting.'"
"Yeah, consulting, that's a good one," Lisa said. "I told Matt he better not even THINK about 'consulting.' If things really go south for him, I think I'm out of here."
"Well, you've got an iron-clad pre-nup, so at least you've got the option. I should know, since I drafted it myself!"
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 1:28 PM
lol
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 1:33 PM
Now I will do Williamsburg. Okay, this is NOT Park Slope. Everyone on board with that?
There was no shade at the Grand Street playground and the sun beat down relentlessly on our bare heads. I had forgotten sunscreen again.
The mothers' group was obvious: five of them clustered on two of the park benches like nesting gulls. Feeling a little insecure, I adjusted my ergo, patted the downy head of my two-month old daughter, and approached.
"Hi, I'm Jennifer," I said. "Is this the hui--"
"Yes," one beautific madonna beamed at me, patting the bench beside her. I sat down gratefully, my back already aching. Were babies supposed to be sixteen pounds at two months? It seemed wrong somehow.
"Who is this?" a bright-eyed waif with a blonde streak dyed in the middle of her dark mane asked me.
"Oh, this is Meta," I smiled back. "She's two months."
"So is Denim," the waif told me. "When's her birthday?"
"June 15," I said.
"Same here!"
It would have seemed a cosmic twist of fate, except I wasn't sure I wanted little Meta to hang out with someone named Denim.
"What do you do?" asked another mother, expertly navigating her infant's latch one-handed. I envied her that. I was still having issues.
"I'm an interior designer," I said.
"Me too!" one of the others exclaimed.
"So am I!" said the beautific madonna.
"I teach yoga," someone else added.
"I'm a stylist," the waif told me. "Isn't it great how everyone in this neighborhood is so creative?"
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 1:34 PM
From the excerpts that Park Sloper provided, i would categorize these women primarily as "bitchy."
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 1:35 PM
Hah, Park Sloper, that was awesome.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 1:35 PM
Heather, I think you have a book in you...
Posted by: Miss Muffett at August 13, 2009 1:37 PM
Meta! Denim! Hilarious, Heather.
OK, so we've done Clinton Hill, Brooklyn Heights and Williamsburg. Any others on the way?
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 1:40 PM
> MM, 90% of these comments on PS moms are just snark.
I plead Not Guilty.
Posted by: DitmasSnark at August 13, 2009 1:40 PM
HAAAAAAAA the williamsburg one! ahhah
someone do bushwick!
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 1:44 PM
sometimes i wish i had kids.
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 1:47 PM
dh, it would throw a serious wrench in your nights out.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 1:53 PM
MM;
Somehow your long posts without paragraph spacing fits right into the PS mom stereotype. The word "earnest" comes to my mind.
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 1:54 PM
"dh, it would throw a serious wrench in your nights out."
Isn't that what a wife is for? ;)
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 1:55 PM
ok am I a total dummy?
are these ACTUAL excerpts from the book OR are you guys doing re-writes based on nabes?
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 1:56 PM
These are great! As a Manhattan mom, I have to say all this mommy socializing is lovely, as awkward and bitchy as it may seem to you. My Soho story would be an interior monologue of alienation, punctuated by worries about the size of my butt.
Posted by: Maly at August 13, 2009 1:57 PM
Isn't that what a wife is for? ;)
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 1:55 PM
And you realized your dream of marrying someone who "makes bad decisions." LOL
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 1:57 PM
I though Park Sloper's was an actual quote. Very well written, PS.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 1:59 PM
"Who ARE these kids spending a million bucks to live in a crappy box in the sky?" Rosie shouted over the screaming children running around the yard. She was sitting with her girlfriends watching the kids play, sipping a rose-colored cocktail that matched the color of her hair.
"Hell if I know," Carmela replied. "But I can tell you right now, the rooms must be shaped real weird, 'cause those construction crews cut every corner known to man!"
They all laughed. "You should know, Carm. Didn't Johnny have one of those no-show jobs at that site?"
"Whatcha talking about?" Carmela said, rearranging her blonde hair on top of her head. "Johnny works real hard. Poor guy came home all sunburned every day from that job, he was kicking butt outside all day long."
"Kicking butt at the craps table, you mean!" Eletta said. "They had that card table set up outside, that's why they all got so much color. I can tell you, my Frankie came home lookin' like a friggin' spic from that job."
"I think you got it wrong, El," Rosie said. "It was the friggin' spics whose butts he was kicking." They all laughed again. "Though I gotta say, those Mexicans work real hard, I don't care what anyone says."
"What are you, some kind of Park Slope liberal now, Rosie?" Eletta asked.
The deck around the above-ground pool was getting slippery from the water the kids kept splashing over the sides. Carmela turned her head toward the pool just in time to get drenched as Johnny Jr. splashed a huge wave out of the pool.
"Now look what you've done!" she shouted, her soaking hair dripping rivulets of chlorinated water onto her silk blouse. "Johnny Jr., Carla, get out of there right now! We're going home!"
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 2:01 PM
Bushwick.
"Those men are staring at us." Rosalie elbowed me, half-disrupting little Stone, who had fallen asleep feeding again.
I shrugged. "It's a free fucking country. Let them look."
One of them hooted appreciatively, sucking in his cheeks lewdly. "Nice, Mami!"
My friend laughed, a little nervous. Sometimes I didn't think Rosalie really belonged here, not like I did. You could see the suburbs bred in her bone, especially in a place like Maria Hernandez Park.
"So anyways--" I raised my voice a little to get her attention again. She was watching her son, Suydam, take some tentative steps towards the slide. "I've got this great opportunity to direct, but I'm not sure if we can swing the child care. It's such a drag--"
"Yeah," she echoed emptily. I could tell she wasn't really listening. Why did some women seem to lose all their brain cells when their kids were around? "Hold on -- Suy -- put that down!!"
Suydam turned to look at us, face in a comical 'o'. The broken beer bottle dangled from his hand.
"Ooops," I giggled, watching as she retrieved the deadly weapon and dispatched it in the nearest trash can. "Wow, close one."
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 2:02 PM
you want bitchy, you should see stay-at-home vs. working moms at a 321 PTA meeting!
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 2:02 PM
Park Sloper, I think I wuv you. Bay Ridge?
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 2:05 PM
rh - I know the difference between a mom and a nanny - even when the nanny isnt Caribbean....
MM - please tell me where i might spot some "chic" looking PS Moms
Thanks
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 2:05 PM
What the hell, is this turning into some type of writer's workshop?
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 2:05 PM
Yep, Bay Ridge! And Bushwick was awesome! We should write a book....
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 2:08 PM
you guys are hilarious!!
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 2:10 PM
I know, right?
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 2:11 PM
Wow - you guys are funny
that Bayridge one is poifect!
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 2:11 PM
You guys are funny!
DH, Do you want kids so you can name them hipster names like flower or blossom or something?
Posted by: Kensingtonian at August 13, 2009 2:12 PM
Anyone wants to do Brighton Beach?
Posted by: Kensingtonian at August 13, 2009 2:13 PM
These are pretty good, gotta say!
Posted by: brownstoner at August 13, 2009 2:18 PM
i know one day im totally going to run into a Meta or Denim im going to crack the f up.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 2:21 PM
I would do one based in bed Stuy but I'd never hear the end of it from the What....
At the checkers & chess tables at the far end of Fulton Park:
"Damn, here come that white asshat gentrifier again."
"Aw, let it be. He just goin to Peaches or that Sarguvina place."
"you know I seen lots of guys going in and out of his place."
"Yeah, all sorts...black, asian, latino."
No, I better not go any further with this one.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 2:21 PM
"I don't really understand "unsatisfied." This is NYC, just go out and get it."
Actually, DIBS, this being NYC, just about anything - or anyone ; ) - can be ordered in!
Posted by: CarrollGardened at August 13, 2009 2:28 PM
Ordering in is my preferred method, CGar. i haven't picked up a guy in a bar in many years.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 2:33 PM
DIBs, I say go on. You can work in an adoption or foster child to make it parenting relevant.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 2:34 PM
Benson - point taken. Even thought the same myself after tossing off that post. Would take a crack at the neighborhood fiction workshop now but alas too much work today. Denim/Meta was too funny! Back to grindstone...
Posted by: Miss Muffett at August 13, 2009 2:35 PM
So will this be good for PS or not??
Posted by: landlord at August 13, 2009 2:36 PM
I think once the first eisode airs, we will see the bottom of the real estate market within 1-2 weeks. Miss Muffett, are you listening? :)
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 2:40 PM
"DH, Do you want kids so you can name them hipster names like flower or blossom or something?"
I wanna name my kids something cool - like Optimus Prime or Liono
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 2:44 PM
landlord, i cant see it as having any effect really. and im not exactly sure who their target audience is to begin with.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 2:44 PM
DIBS - i have to say your 2:21 pm was unexpected and hilarious. I laughed out loud.
DH - i can't decide if i want kids or not. sometimes I see them and they look all angelic and sweet and other times, they like demons. freaks me out! here's a name for your future kid - prius.
Posted by: bodhi_brooklyn at August 13, 2009 2:50 PM
DH - i can't decide if i want kids or not. sometimes I see them and they look all angelic and sweet and other times, they like demons. freaks me out! here's a name for your future kid - prius.
Posted by: bodhi_brooklyn at August 13, 2009 2:50 PM
That's why I love having a niece and a nephew. You play around with them while they're angelic and they give them right back to their parents when they start being annoying. Plus you can spoil them and yet not give them parenthood lessons and listen to their crap. Being an uncle or an aunt RULES!
Posted by: Kensingtonian at August 13, 2009 2:55 PM
Benson burst through the door, somehow completely dry despite the torrential downpour. "Is this the Park Slope Writer's Workshop?" he asked.
The six women sitting in a circle all looked at him. He didn't look like your normal Park Slope dad. He was dressed up as if for a night on the town, although Celia thought he might be trying a bit too hard, as if he were trying to compensate for a working class background.
"It's actually the Gowanus Writer's Workshop," Celia said. "But you're welcome anyway." She flashed him one of her winning smiles.
Benson seemed to hesitate a bit, then took the seat next to Celia that she offered to him.
"So," another woman said, "let's continue. We were talking about blogs, and how they've shaped our own writing. Kyra, what was it you were saying?"
"Yeah, well, I just think that, like, blogs and Facebook and Twitter and all of that, it's changed both how writers write, and how readers read. You know?"
Benson turned and looked at Kyra. Her voice and syntax sounded as young as she looked. She was slender and stylish, with long legs and toenails painted an enchanting shade of lavender. But though he found her words unimpressive, he couldn't help but be impressed by the mound of soft breasts that rose and fell with her every breath.
Celia nodded. Then she said, "Does anyone have any new work to share today?"
"I do," a stylish blonde said. "It's about an old school grandfather who just had to cut his kids a certain look and they knew he meant business. His son, though, is a modern Brooklyn dad who carries the baby around in a sling, and negotiates with his three-year-old over whether to wear his shoes backwards or not."
"That sounds great," Celia said. "Go ahead."
"Okay. 'The old man stepped carefully down the front steps, his leather shoes shiny in the afternoon sun....'"
Just then, a loud blast of music interrupted. "Oh, no" said another woman, a beautiful African-American with coffee-colored skin. "It's that fundamentalist church in the converted warehouse next door!"
"Seriously, Montrose?" said the young woman. "Fundamentalists? Here in Gowanus?
"Oh, you'd be surprised," Montrose replied. "I'm sorry, but these people scare me. They've perverted the word of Jesus in the name of right-wing theocratic fascism." Just then, the babies asleep in the strollers along the wall all woke up, and all started bawling in chorus.
"Oh, my god," Benson spurt out. "More intolerant hateful speech! More babies crying! What is this, a Brownstoner meeting?" He gathered up his Louis Vuitton briefcase and burst out of the door as quickly as he had arrived.
The women all looked after him, stunned. "What on earth was that about?" the young woman asked.
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 2:56 PM
I think that one thing the hyper-liberal parents of Park Slope have to give Sarah Palin credit for is that she named her kids the ultimate PS names. Piper and Trig? PS321, here we come!
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 2:57 PM
Haha Prius!!
yeah - I like being around kids sometimes, but I don't want the long-term life altering responsibility. anyone have a rugrat i can borrow? I'll get one of those kiddie harnasses and walk him/her around mccarren park.
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 3:00 PM
Park Sloper!!!
hahaa - dying!
hilarious!
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 3:03 PM
you go PS. I'd do mounds plural, and benson forgot his hat! He'll have to go back and get it.
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 3:03 PM
benson, I'm sure she's destroyed the market in those names for twenty years, at least around here...
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 3:04 PM
Okay, Park Sloper... that was omg brilliant.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 3:05 PM
"I don't really understand "unsatisfied." This is NYC, just go out and get it."
Dave, she is talking about how little housework her husband does, not sex.
Also, the Bushwick parody should start with "ola." There are zero hipsters with children in Bushwick. Although I'm sure they're coming soon. Someone posted on BushwickBK the other day she's pregnant.
Posted by: mopar at August 13, 2009 3:05 PM
kens - lol. that's so true. i have two nieces and i absolutely ADORE them. it is pretty great. i swear i love them like they were my own, but i do get to give them back once they start crying. plus, where would they fit in my small studio!? also remember our talk about 80's music recently? i watched the first mini-series "V" last night on DVD. Have you ever seen it!? amazing. i'm preparing for the remake of the series in the fall...
Posted by: bodhi_brooklyn at August 13, 2009 3:05 PM
DH, I don't think a kid in a harnass is a good hipster "pick-up" magnet :o). I'll can ask my sis to lend you the older one. He would go picking up chicks with you. He is incredibly smart, not shy, snarky and loves video games (who doesn't at the age of 9). Would make an awesome wingman!
Posted by: Kensingtonian at August 13, 2009 3:05 PM
Park Sloper;
LOL!!
What would this site do without me??
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 3:05 PM
You can borrow mine, DH, I even have the harness. It's shaped like a doggy backpack. The moppet calls it her "leash."
(Actually, she's a little old for it now, but I have no probs with it being used.)
Hey... and meanwhile I can drink at the Abbey!
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 3:07 PM
OK...seriously. I started to write a book awhile back; quite awhile back, but never get much done on it. Here's the first chapter:
Prologue
A Drink
Among the strongest cocktails for trouble are an insatiable appetite for sex mixed with the fear of being alone.
It was a Thursday night about 9:00 PM in May of 2009 when I had just sat down to have a cocktail - a Bombay Sapphire and Tonic- at The Regency. The Regency is one of those places that I hated frequenting but the bartenders there usually made a good drink even if they didn’t know you and it was only a few blocks from my townhouse. They knew me. It’s not your regular kind of parquet floor and juke box kind of bar. This place, on the Upper East Side of Manhattan; had a nice Tartan plaid carpet, pale green wainscoting, wide stripe maroon and gold wallpaper and those 2” wide venetian blinds with the wide strap belting. The bar itself was mahogany. It had a solid brass bar rail and waiter station. The ever-present mirror to the back was panel cut glass.
It was fairly quiet there that night; a few men at the far corner of the bar, the backroom a bit more crowded with a piano player pounding out something I hadn’t yet recognized. I was trying to mind my own business until I saw a couple of guys come in and proceed to sit down next to me and order. The younger of the two asked for a Heineken. He had a Cantonese accent which meant he was born in southern China or, more likely Hong Kong which, after the 1997 handover is now part of southern China. The guy was wearing black pants, light wool, Italian cut. His shirt was buttoned up to his neck and was a custom made Egyptian cotton, a deep green with a fairly narrow-collar. Oddly though with this ensemble were the cowboy boots; real ones…Stetsons. The other one who I had guessed to be about 30-35 and older than the first He was dressed in chinos, a brown plaid sport jacket and a yellow Oxford button-down shirt. I didn’t happen to notice the shoes. What caught me was his heavy Thai accent and from my knowledge of that country, he probably was born on the Thailand-Laos border. He ordered a Chivas–coke. Now you may think this a strange combination but not if you spend any time in Asia. Asians order all kind of concoctions that might seem strange to Americans and Chivas-coke or Brandy-coke are not at all uncommon. The odder combination was the was to see a native Thai befriending a native Hong Kong guy.
They were of course speaking English when they ordered and in their conversation to each other. It seems that they had both just flown into New York. They had asked how each others’ flights were and how the hotel accomodations were measuring up. Heard that the Chinese guy was staying at the Plaza Athenae and the other one was at the Mark. Both of these I would consider five-star hotels and the Plaza Athenae has one of the best eggs benedict I’ve ever had…topped with a goodly amount of truffle shavings. They seem to have not seen each other for a number of years as there was a lot of catch-up talk about travel and sexual conquests. Amazingly they had just figured out that they had both had just been in Sydney, Australia around the same time last year and they had even figured out they might have been in the same bar the same evening. All of this took place over a few rounds of drinks and the conversation got a little louder with each roud so that by the time they were on their third, my second, I could follow the whole converssation from two seats away with little trouble.
It was during that third drink that the conversation went like this:
The Thai fellow said: “It looks like we’re all set. We both know what he likes and he’ll be pretty much wasted on coke at the party.”
“Yeah, this Goldman Sachs guy is such an easy target. If this weren’t going to be the last of our escapades we’d probably settle for robbing his penthouse of some artwork and be done with it.”
“We’re in a different league now, Kevin” said the Thai.
At this point I need to begin explaining how in the world I might be able to ascertain that one of these guys was Thai and the other was Cantonese. Well that’s where this story really begins.
Posted by: daveinbedstuy at August 13, 2009 3:07 PM
Not true, mopar! I know a few... they use the Williamsburg parenting boards because I don't think there is a Bushwick version. Also one of my college friends has a kid and lives in Bushwick. In a loft, even. And... okay, actually she is a stylist? But in her case I don't hold it against her.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 3:08 PM
The rain was coming down even harder now, and Benson had no umbrella. He stood outside the door of the converted coffin factory where the writer's group was meeting. He couldn't go back in, he just couldn't. Just as he was about to amble on home in the rain, the door suddenly opened. It was the young blonde, her quivering mounds more beautiful than ever.
"You forgot your hat," she said, handing it to him. She opened her large umbrella and held it over both of them.
"Are you heading back to Park Slope?" he asked her. "Maybe we could grab a drink together somewhere on Fifth Avenue...."
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 3:10 PM
id name my kids Clamydia and Candida
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 3:06 PM
Rob, those are really mean names for boys :o).
Posted by: Kensingtonian at August 13, 2009 3:11 PM
Nice hook, dibs! I am now curious!
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 3:12 PM
quote:
Someone posted on BushwickBK the other day she's pregnant.
LOL.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 3:12 PM
You guys are all cracking me up today! I wouldn't know where to begin commenting. rob, DIBS, you're both in rare form today. Kudos to Park Sloper and Heather! (Muffy, you gotta lighten up already!)
Posted by: CarrollGardened at August 13, 2009 3:12 PM
never seen it bodhi, thanks for the info. You going to Blondie and Pat concert tonight?
Ever going to come out to one of our Brownstoner get togethers?
Posted by: Kensingtonian at August 13, 2009 3:12 PM
Heather, wow, that's great. I am a wannabe Bushwick parent.
Posted by: mopar at August 13, 2009 3:17 PM
This thread has truly made my day speed by!
good stuff!
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 3:20 PM
kens - not going to the concert tonight. i work on thursdays nights until the end of august, when i officially stop working my second (yes, i'm tired all the time) job. i thought i read there is another one maybe next thursday? i'll show up at some point, but probably not until the fall. :)
DIBS - you should totally keep working on your book. how exciting. i like the unlikely thai/chinese duo working to unhinge you!
Posted by: bodhi_brooklyn at August 13, 2009 3:21 PM
All you top notch writers out there better think twice before you keep posting your gold here lest someone out there steals it and publishes it before you get a chance to! This stuff is good. Finish your manuscripts, get an agent and copyright this stuff ASAP!
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 3:22 PM
That being said, I've enjoyed reading it all. You folks are a hoot!!!
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 3:25 PM
you know what's really sad? im probably totally going to read this book. but i have a feeling im going to be laughing all the way through. but maybe i should wait until october, im sure it will be on numerous stoops for free.
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 3:26 PM
haha Heather/Kens - sounds like fuN!
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 3:26 PM
Rob, I'd rather wait on the writers here to put out their books...sounds far more interesting and a funnier read than this Sohn chickie.
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 3:28 PM
okie bodhi, well feel free to join any time after end of August. We have a smaller one happening next week Thursday in Fort Greene. Details will be in the OT next week.
Posted by: Kensingtonian at August 13, 2009 3:30 PM
Park Sloper, I have tears! That was priceless! Thanks so much for making my day!
Posted by: Montrose Morris at August 13, 2009 3:31 PM
as far as i remember amy sohn has been trying to get a tv show made about her writing for over ten years. she had a small animated show on the oxygen network. actually i don't remember if it actually aired or if it was just a pilot. it was mildly funny then, but not really worthy of a series, nor does this book (based on the except from gawker) seem worthy either...snore...next...
Posted by: bodhi_brooklyn at August 13, 2009 3:33 PM
Also, Heather, damn funny parody.
Posted by: mopar at August 13, 2009 3:36 PM
What? What? I'm light already! Hanes untwisted - just busy at work! (but stealing glances here when I can - funniest thread I can remember...)
Posted by: Miss Muffett at August 13, 2009 3:43 PM
Damn Park Sloper I'm not sure if you said if you ascribe to the PS mom aesthetic (i.e. the asexual i dont care look) but either way - I would love to get risque emails from you.....well done!
Posted by: fsrg at August 13, 2009 3:46 PM
Park Sloper - Hilarious.
Heather - Ditto.
DIBS - Keep your day job. ;-)
Posted by: DitmasSnark at August 13, 2009 3:48 PM
I wanna name my kids something cool - like Optimus Prime or Liono
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 2:44 PM
DH, Panthro is much cooler than Liono. I actually know a girl who named her daughter Laia after the Princess
Posted by: Troy McClure at August 13, 2009 3:51 PM
Haha Troy - Luckily Laia could pass for a normal name.
Cheatarrah is pretty cool too. She was probably my first crush ever.
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 3:56 PM
I climbed the stairs to the large oak doors, making mental notes on the quality of the paint stripping job, and the faint odor of tung oil. Pressing the brass doorbell produced the dulcet tones of Big Ben somewhere in the house. “Hmmm”, I thought, “F-sharp. Not the usual key for Big Ben, but to each his own.”
The door opened, and a blonde stick insect (thank you forever, Bridget Jones) appeared, peering at me over reading glasses. She was dressed in J Crew khakis and a pink Polo Henley shirt. “Oh, you’re late”, she said, letting me pass her into the house. I looked surreptitiously at my watch, and I was actually fifteen minutes early. Okay. I followed her into the spacious parlor, admiring the care CPH Gilbert had taken in designing these houses, on this block long architectural wonder that is part of Park Slope. The woodwork was impeccable, and the intricate pattern of the parquet was complemented by the plush Persian area rug. Uzbekistan, the southern Village of Umbar, if I’m not mistaken.
As she went into the renovated parlor kitchen, and opened one of the custom made cabinet doors, I took the opportunity to admire the Fortuny light fixture in the parlor. That triple tiered style was always my favorite. “You’ll need this” she said, shutting the door and handing me a white French maid’s apron. “Wyoming and Cash will be back from their sitar and Urdu lessons any minute.”
“I think you may have me mixed up with someone else”, I said, laying the apron down. “I’m not the nanny,”
“Oh, my God,” she exclaimed, “I’m so sorry. You know, Wyoming has African-American friends at Berkeley Carroll, and we voted for President Obama.”
I smiled, and enjoyed the moment.
Posted by: Montrose Morris at August 13, 2009 3:57 PM
ROFL MM!!! "sitar and Urdu lessons..." Priceless!
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 4:03 PM
DH,
Pretty sure Cheetarah was also my first crush, closely followed by Linda Carter's Wonder Woman. might be the other way around.
When I was in college I told my girlfriend that I wanted to name our future kids Rakim (boy) and De La (girl)
Posted by: Troy McClure at August 13, 2009 4:04 PM
OMG, Montrose! Brilliant!!!!
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 4:06 PM
Wyoming and Cash!!! Sitar and urdu... okay, damn. That was great.
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 4:06 PM
Hey, I can write too!!
This is a post I wrote last December when Mr. B reprinted the nauseating "Park Slope 100" that OTBKB puts out each year. This was my nomination for one of the "Park Slope 100":
"Juanita Valasquez - She is the ultimate Park Slope cleaning lady. It is so instructive for my Josh and Kaitlin to me speaking a few words of Spanish to her, demonstrating my sensitivity to diversity issues. I can still see her look of surprise when I first tried some Spanish on her - she stopped cleaning the farts off the bar stool, looked up and a precious little smirk came to her face.
I also thought it was important that my whole family be there when I handed her the $20 bonus for Festivus. The lessons in generosity to my little ones was priceless.
Of course, we did have that little unpleasant moment when she asked about providing some type of insurance coverage. I think she understood my perspective, however, when I lectured her on the need to vote for Obama, to take care of such matters."
Posted by: benson at August 13, 2009 4:10 PM
$20 Festivus bonus!!!! Ha!!!
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 4:13 PM
sweet riff, MM...
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 4:14 PM
I remember that one, Benson. Priceless!
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 4:14 PM
lol benson i totally remember reading your post, back in my lurking days
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 4:16 PM
haha troy - rakim is an awesome name for a kid!
Posted by: dirty_hipster at August 13, 2009 4:34 PM
"$20 Festivus bonus" I'm crying, partly because I'm laughing so hard inside, partly because i'm biting my tongue so I don't actually laugh out loud since I'm at work on an open floor.
Posted by: Tdeezy at August 13, 2009 4:39 PM
"Our borough brims with literary talent, discovered and undiscovered. I suggest everyone show up at the Brooklyn Book Festival (Sept. 13, Boro Hall) and look for some."
Brenda, I missed that earlier somehow. It's a great time. Here's the website.
http://www.brooklynbookfestival.org/
Note that Amy Sohn will of course be there :-)
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 4:42 PM
A lesbian ventures into the Slope...
‘She’s got a whole lotta ass for a white girl,’ I suddenly thought to myself. Ariel had bent over to pick up a tiny kitten from the floor. I suppressed the urge to hum “Baby Got Back.”
“I’m so glad you came to pick one out,” Ariel squeaked. “My husband kept complaining that we’ve got too many kitties in our condo. But really though, we’ve got three bedrooms, two and a half baths and a total of 769 square feet. I *love* this new building! But you know Chet…”
I started to tune her out and began to count the recessed lights in the combination living/dining/kitchen/spare bedroom/ half bath with stackable washer and dryer. I stopped at 16. Prime Park Slope condo, eh? I know one Mr. Jonathan Butler who would shake his head in disgust.
“We are still having issues with the parking pad under the building sinking a bit. Chet’s Vespa got sucked in again. It’s the third time this month! But I’m sure the developer will be back to fix it. They never sell anything to decent people like us that isn’t top notch. I mean really…”
My heart froze at one particular sight. Not only was this soulless box missing a fireplace, but they actually had one of those fireplace videos on repeat in the dvd player. I wondered if they had convinced themselves that it provided instant ambiance.
“So anyway,” Ariel continued, “I told Chet, Lucy’s a lesbian. Lesbians LOVE cats! Seriously! I just know she’ll take one!”
I took the small orange kitten from her and it immediately nuzzled my neck. Ah. Kitty love.
“I’ll take her,” I said.
As Ariel began to walk me to the front door, I couldn’t help but wonder if she still knew how to ‘drop it like it’s hot.’ The word at the food co-op was that she used to be a ‘professional dancer’ at a lesbian bar during her college days. It was also rumored that her food co-op buddy, Larissa, was more than just a friend after a few drinks. Sure, Ariel was a classic ‘butterface,’ but beauty is only a light-switch away, right? I decided that ‘home-wrecker’ was not my career of choice and left with the kitten and my impure thoughts.
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 4:50 PM
Awesome rewrite, MM.
Posted by: DitmasSnark at August 13, 2009 4:52 PM
> beauty is only a light-switch away, right?
Word.
Posted by: DitmasSnark at August 13, 2009 4:54 PM
Jon,
looking like you need to add another recurring thread into the mix for some massive page views. These ladies can write
Posted by: more4less at August 13, 2009 4:56 PM
HAHHAHAh snappy that was great! now i wanna write one about me and my pitbull in park slope! hahah but i suck at that kind of thing
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 5:05 PM
You have made me very proud. We are off to an excellent start for the first annual craptastic, quadraphonically stereotypical Brooklyn Hood "Dark and Stormy Night" Contest! Greatness inspires greatness!
Posted by: Brenda from Flatbush at August 13, 2009 5:05 PM
what's a butterface?
Posted by: gemini10 at August 13, 2009 5:17 PM
everyone on that chick is smokin'. but-her-face. according to SNL last week it's now a word in the dictionary!
*rob*
Posted by: PitbullNYC at August 13, 2009 5:19 PM
Butterface...everything about her looks good...but her face.
:)
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 5:20 PM
Montrose, I am literally laughing aloud. Really liked the architectural details, also.
Posted by: mopar at August 13, 2009 5:26 PM
Snappy, you take the cake! Awesome thread today, folks. Thanks for helping me to avoid work once again!
Posted by: Park Sloper at August 13, 2009 5:34 PM
OK, I’m not really very good at this, but here’s a start. Maybe someone else can add to it:
It was a beautiful day, and Rob and his loving pitbull Tinkerbell were hanging out in the parking lot of 7-11. A couple of teenage goth girls dressed in tight, dark clothes stopped to lean over the cement barrier and asked him if he could spare a cigarette. Just then a stroller mom with bushy gray hair passed by in her Rockports and gave them a withering look. "You know it's illegal to smoke outside," she said.
Posted by: mopar at August 13, 2009 6:04 PM
Rob couldn't decide whether or not to toss his blueberry/raspberry slurpee on bushy-mom's crisp white chinos. It was so cool, refreshing and tasty, but this woman was a biatch...
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 6:17 PM
What the hell, he figured. It's time for some 40 ounce drinkin' right about now. Rob wound up his arm like a Yankee pitcher and hurled the slurpee at ole gray head. Her once perfect white chinos were instantly splattered in syrupy blue sweetness.
"Bitchin'" said the goth teens, as they put their fingers into the rock-n-roll sign \m/
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 6:25 PM
"GO BACK TO BOISE! OR DENVER! OR WHEREVER YOU CAME FROM, YOU COW-TIPPING, URBAN ROOFTOP GARDEN PLANTING, CROTCHFRUIT-ANKLE BITER BIRTHING....THING, YOU!"
Rob was losing it. As he approached ole gray head, he failed to see the loose manhole cover in his path....
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 6:38 PM
Oh, god, please have Tink save the day??
Posted by: Heather at August 13, 2009 7:22 PM
Rob was lurching down the street, pushing a sanding machine with one hand, while smoking a Marlboro with the other. His third hand held a 40 oz bottle of Colt 45...
Posted by: denton at August 13, 2009 7:41 PM
Denton, change Marlboro to Newport and you've got it!
Posted by: InsertSnappyNameHere at August 13, 2009 8:12 PM
Just catching up. Brilliant, everyone. I'm envisioning Brownstoner readings, poetry slams, book clubs, etc.
Posted by: slopefarm at August 13, 2009 9:22 PM
Oh my just got back from dinner. This is gooood! I can't wait to hear what happens next.
Posted by: mopar at August 13, 2009 10:31 PM
uh, oh.
I smell a "smartmom" column coming!
hide!
Posted by: 5w30 at August 13, 2009 11:10 PM
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