Horror Show Friday

Somewhere, in the vastness, there is a warehouse stocking these doors, railings, faux bricks, and probably interior everything. They all shop there.

That said, the one on the left at least has windows larger than postage stamps on all floors. Actually, with a little tweaking, these could look good. Switch out those stupid peaked porticos to something more period appropriate with the Palladian windows, which are the strongest feature to the house. Ditto on the doors - do a painted solid wood door, echoing a simple, early 18th century entrance - think Greenwich Village or Bklyn Hts Federal here. Box in the meters, make them visually disappear. Change the railings, they are so flimsy and cheap looking, get something more substantial, but not fussy. I don't like the peaked roofline, but if it's

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 10:59 AM

Somewhere, in the vastness, there is a warehouse stocking these doors, railings, faux bricks, and probably interior everything. They all shop there.

That said, the one on the left at least has windows larger than postage stamps on all floors. Actually, with a little tweaking, these could look good. Switch out those stupid peaked porticos to something more period appropriate with the Palladian windows, which are the strongest feature to the house. Ditto on the doors - do a painted solid wood door, echoing a simple, early 18th century entrance - think Greenwich Village or Bklyn Hts Federal here. Box in the meters, make them visually disappear. Change the railings, they are so flimsy and cheap looking, get something more substantial, but not fussy. I don't like the peaked roofline, but if it's

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 10:59 AM

Damn cat, sorry.

As I was saying, if the interior uses the extra space under the roofline, I can live with it.

There is no hope for the one on the right, which looks like they used whatever is left, from the same vast warehouse.

Benson, where are you? :)

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 11:01 AM

I'd also get rid of the balconies. Useless.

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 11:06 AM

Dave, I'm pragmatic in 2009. They built the damn things, I'm just trying to envision what could be done to make the one on the left less of an eyesore. The one on the right is hopeless. Are windows so expensive that they couldn't plan for bigger ones? Of course not. If I was building for this market, I'd try harder to at least make them make sense, I'm not even talking attractive, here. Natural light makes sense.

My cat is jealous of my keyboard, as it takes away time that should be used to pet him. His foot has unerring accuracy in the keys he steps on. Sometimes I think he can read.

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 11:15 AM

"in the best and quite Location in Crown Heights."

"These beautiful Condos, bring you the best of what Crown Heights could deliver."

NOT!!!!!!!(quite)

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 11:19 AM

Dave, he could be Brad Pitt, himself, and he'd have a hard time selling these houses. Midwood and Albany is hardly the best part of Crown Heights, and may actually be in Flatbush proper. If not, it's certainly on the fringes of CH South/PLG.

Speaking of Brad Pitt, it would behoove builders everwhere to see what he and his group of architects, builders, and funders are doing in the 9th Ward of New Orleans. They did RESEARCH! before running in to rebuild. They discovered that the classic shotgun cottage, the classic 9th Ward house, was perfect for the climate - cool breezes could circulate from front to back unhindered. With tight budget mandates, as well as must have 6' from the ground, raised construction, and roof hatches, the international teams of architects were told to design new homes, that also had to conform to green building and furnishing precepts.

The architects came back with their designs, which ranged from traditional wooden shotguns to post modern steel and concrete homes, and presented them to members of the 9th Ward community to get their impressions. One of the things most requested was larger, deeper verandas. This is a porch culture, where people socialized and spent a great deal of time on their porches. The committees came back with bigger porches, and other changes, and the building has begun.

Point being, they took the time and effort to see what worked, and to consult with the community about what it needed. These are not the houses of the rich, they are bare bones houses. Anyone building new construction in "fringe communities" who wants to actually sell their houses should take heed. Do some research before putting hand to shovel, or before cranking out these cookie cutter places. Do the houses with large windows sell before those with tiny windows? What works in the community surrounding these houses? What was there before, what will complement the surrounding area, and make these places attractive to potential buyers. If I was building for this market, I can guarantee you, my houses would sell. It doesn't take more money to make a better house, it takes some forethought, some planning, and some consideration for the neighborhood you are creating.

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 12:13 PM

I'm touting him as someone who has put his money where his mouth is. He is a catylyst for building homes in the 9th Ward. New Orleans isn't doing it, the federal government sure isn't going it, and the insurance industry has prevented many long time homeowners from doing it. So if a big celeb can get some people back into homes, then he's a prince, in my book.

Besides which, Brad Pitt had aspirations of becoming an architect before fame and fortune kissed him. He actually knows what he is talking about. That puts him heads above many people here. I greatly admire what he is doing in New Orleans, and that has nothing to do with his celeb status.

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 12:27 PM

Besides, which, Benson, the point was not that Brad Pitt is doing anything. The point was that builders of this dreck might actually be able to sell them, even in this market, if the houses were designed with a modicum of thought into what constitutes decent design. As long as Brownstoner keeps coming up with these, the fundamental point remains - it IS possible to build decent looking houses for this price point. The builders just don't care enough to do so.

Is this a stoop culture? How about a decent stoop? What is the purpose of those Juliette balconies? If you are hard pressed to fit a potted plant on one, forget about being able to use it, why waste the time and money? If having the meters out front is a NYC code thing, why not come up with a framed box as part of the design to hide the unsightly mess, as they are the only trim on the house, besides the balconies. Do pink bricks complement the rest of the houses on the block? How about different bricks, or how about some paint? Does someone really think those doors are attractive? If you want a door with a window, there are plenty of other alternatives. Oval windows are harder to make, why not square windows on the doors, or no windows?

The list goes on. The argument continues.

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 12:41 PM

Benson, unfortunately for Brad Pitt, I'm sure he can't take his trash to the curb, if he ever does, without paparazzi surrounding him, and having the photos in next week's National Inquirer: "Angela makes Brad take out trash, will he be the next thing tossed to the curb?" I don't fault him for not being able to keep his charity quiet, if that was his intent.

Besides, as Bxgrl said, what better way to advertise a cause? If his celebrity means that more houses get built, and more attention is paid to rebuilding New Orleans, then great. He is well aware of that, and is using it to the advantage of the project. I don't think he's being morally superior. He, and other celebs, like Bono, who do the same thing with their own causes, is able to do what us mere mortals can't. If that helps others, more power to 'em. They didn't make the system, they are just using it.

I can't imagine the discomfort, invasion of privacy, and pure hell it would be to have photographers, reporters and fans in my face all day, every day, lurking in the bushes, and ambushing me wherever I went. While it's great to be rich and famous, that is a definite downside of celebrity. To be able to turn at least a fraction of that into something that helps those in need must take some of the edge off.

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 2:56 PM

Benson, I look forward to meeting you, too.

Thanks, Biff, but I don't think they'd hire me. I wrote "Angela" instead of Angelina. What kind of celebrity hound does that?

Posted by: Montrose Morris at January 9, 2009 4:48 PM