Co-op of the Day: Northside Old School

sez right in the craigs' list ad that it's on grand street. it's a tenement apt on grand street.

absolutely stunning, eh? it's a typical tenement dump, jacko. i would know; i've lived in a ton of 'em over the years.

so, now a typical tenement floor-through is "loft-like", is it?

as to the apts and lofts ad:

MAGNIFICENT! (it's a tenement).

IDEAL LAYOUT (it's a tenement).

ONE LARGE SUNNY BEDROOM, NORTH FACING
(nothing north facing on grand is sunny).

TWO ENTRANCES (uh, yeah, it's a tenement).

ORIGINAL IN-WALL IRONING BOARD (it's a tenement).

notice no mention of the bathroom? (it's a tenement).

COMPLETELY UNIQUE.
uh, no. in this neighborhood, most of the buildings you set yer peepers on are just as "completely unique".

what a load of horseshit.

my favorite word in the ad is MAGNIFICENT. (not to decry GORGEOUS, CHARMING, BEAUTIFUL, GREAT, or BRAZILIAN SLATE, of course.)

BTW, it's not a condo. it's a co-op, or, in this case, more specifically, a coop.

there's one born every minute, folks.
every minute.

Posted by: Suzy at March 14, 2007 10:11 PM

let me clarify. 10% down and 6% mortgage gets you this place for 3,200/month, assuming a paltry $100/month co-op charge, excluding taxes. i have the exact same apt for $850. if my landlord were to offer my apt to me for $489 i wouldn't take it, and i live on north 7th and driggs.

my apt, BTW, is every bit as magnificent, charming, beautiful, and great, as is the one in question. (it's a tenement.)

it's even got 2 entrances!

the present owner (or previous owner) did a lot of nice things to the apt. still, the washer/dryer is 4 flights down. it's probable that the co-op does not allow tenants to have their own washing machine, as the water that is drained from a washing machine will overwhelm the ancient pipes.

800 SF leaves a 12.5 foot hallway, though the hallway is undoubtedly only 10' wide. that means that the outer structure is accounted for, and the apt. is probably, indeed, 800SF. this is based on the building at 25'x65'.

that leaves a 35' patch of yard. who has access? not this apt, or the writer of flowery prose would had compared it the grand fucking canyon.

so, a railroad apt in a creaky old building, requiring the owner to be beholden to the (very small) co-op, with no balcony or garden access, 4 flights down to ancient basement to use the "facilities", no mention of a proper bathroom (again, the writer would have referred to it as 'spa-like', if only given a reason!) with no deliniation between rooms, is worth half-a-million bucks (remember the co-op charge and taxes).

no. no no no no no. finally, it's located in an area full of bars, with an eight block treck to the subway, no elevator, and a lot of hostile southsiders to smile at each and every day of the mortgage holder's life.

folks, it's not a good bet "for the young family". i can't opine whether or not it's a good bet for "at home nine-to-fivers", as i can't imagine what one of those might be. someone who works 9-5, but has a doppleganger who stays at home and does the laundry? go figure.

$489 will get you a whole lot more in this hood. try living the boho-chic way for awhile, if you haven't had the pleasure thus far, WHILE PAYING OUT THE WHAZOO for it, and see how tired you get, and how fast.

sheesh. g'night. thanks, i'll be here all the week. try the fish.

Posted by: Suzy at March 14, 2007 10:47 PM

"It has a thoroughly unique sensibility .."

did you just land on this planet from mars? THERE'S A MILLION OF 'EM. they all look like that.

unless, of course, you're a troll hoping to get an outrageous amount of money for a brooken down dump.

FYI, brownstoner did not say that he was "in love with it".

Posted by: Suzy at March 14, 2007 10:51 PM

just one more thing, i can't help myself - "ORIGINAL PICKLED-PINE FLOORS"?

help me, jesus.

that's enough. will turn my attentions back to picking trades tomorrow - trade LEND and CFC? sell gold on the yen drop?

STOP LISTENING TO IDIOTIC DRIVEL?

if you want bang for the buck in this hood, buy on the park or on the waterfront. otherwise, open the window, turn the fan to exhaust, hold your money in your open palm in front of said fan, and chant "goodbye money, goodbye money, goodbye money". oh, yeah, remember to click your heels together and say "there's no place like home. 3x, like it sez in the instruction manual.

Posted by: Suzy at March 14, 2007 11:00 PM